“Being a focal point is always an afterthought for me…until I have the attention of someone who has mine. Before my mind matured, my physique was my dawg whistle. After I woke up, I couldn’t even have a conversation unless I was being stimulated…mentally. Because I have nothing to do with the image God created when He molded me. The shape of this mind was sculpted from the years I intentionally spent laying on my back though. So getting someone I like to stand at attention…from thoughts produced by all my hard work…hits different. And it makes me feel seen for who I actually am. This gives me the kind of happiness that money can’t buy…and builds the kind of bond…that everyone pays attention to.”

“It’s giving parallel universe atp. I know I’ve been professing my spiritual beliefs for a ‘long periolodically time’…but believing is a lot different than seeing. And now I’m actually starting to feel crazy because what I see…is nothing close to what my ‘family’ tried to convince me I saw as a child. I’ve always had the ability to dissect behavior in a way that exposes people’s demons. But I was born into the kind of ‘family’ that prefers to live comfortably with theirs. They had to condition me to second guess my intuition because when I’m aligned with my gift of sight…I have a bird’s eye view of everything that needs to be healed. So they forced me to carry all their unhealed trauma. Because it weighed my spirit down…and raised theirs.”

“I started this new thing where I turn inward when someone’s behavior encourages me to lash outwards. But I just started a few minutes ago so I don’t have a success story yet. The thought came after I realized how far people will go to avoid taking solid advice. And that distance is usually created by discrediting the deliverer. Which is why I’m reminded of my ‘disorder’…anytime I speak an uncomfortable truth. This tactic triggered tf out of me…until one of the few people who have my respect, expressed a truth I didn’t want to hear. My initial response was to find fault so I didn’t have to listen. After I finally submitted, I had to accept that most of my triggers…come from me projecting my behavior onto other people.”

“I didn’t even make it 24 hours before reneging on my decision to rELeAsE my ‘family’. (SSs Below) I promise I had every intention of cutting communication but…I wanted to keep hurting them with my words…the same way their silence hurts me. Projectile texting in the group chat is my coping mechanism and I’ve had a hard time stopping because my silence solidifies my ex-communication. So I went back to remind them that their Hocus Pocus plot failed. And I ended it by reminding my twin how she randomly said I’d never be the “chosen one”…right before their trigger triathlon started. But now that I’ve set the intention to remove souls who make daily deductions from my energy bank…I’m the one going through withdrawals.”

“I feel like 86.5% of the things I’ve experienced up to this point were meant to mentally incapacitate me. And if I hadn’t followed the guidance to start honoring my Ancestors, it probably would’ve. The smear campaign against my mental was meant to make me look crazy, but my admittance of Ancestral praise will also have people looking at me like I need to be straitjacketed. Because we’ve been brainwashed into believing that calling on (the solid) souls who came before us…is some sort of sorcery. Even though God was the One who gave them life…and we share DNA. I do my best not to police the religious practices of other people. BUT if my ability to show gratitude to individuals who actually look like me is seen as anything other than love…something’s wrong.”

“I’ve always had an issue speaking my mind with people because…I never know when I’m saying something that I’m not supposed to know. I feel like that’s what gave me away to my BM because the older I get…the more I realize this is what gives me away to most people. No one ever tells me when I’ve said a secret out loud though. But sometimes I can tell based off the response. Because they go from being indifferent towards me…to desperately obsessed with seeking out my hidden truths. IMO…it’s to cope with the vulnerability their exposure forces them to feel. My move away from their brand of toxicity, must be why I feel like so many of them are now tuned in from the bushes…waiting to see what I say next.”

“I developed an addiction to artichokes recently and…I’ve been eating them everyday for the last few weeks. When I first got the cravings…I looked up different ways to cook them. One video I watched ended up showing me that I’d been throwing away the best part…for YEARS. I only had my own understanding to rely on back then, so whenever I got to the hairy part…I stopped eating. Ngl, being shown the right way to do it almost had me in tears. Because it reminded me how many pleasurable experiences we miss out on in life…without the kind of guidance that helps grant our access to it. For me, if it’s healthy…not stopping when I get to the undesirable parts is always the lesson. And now that I know how to get to the heart of what I do desire…I can’t get enough.”

“I’ve had issues showing my hand through my initial reaction to things. So when my little sister said “I wonder how that would’ve looked.”, in response to me expressing my belief that they’ve been trying to get me to off myself…I forced my reaction to be void of the pain that sentence induced. She was in her feelings because I gave her another “no” today and after our exchange…I had to release them. Because I realized that everyone in my immediate ‘family’ responds similarly to my refusal to be who they expect. I have years worth of group chats to validate this. But it took seeing her response…to fully come to terms with the fact that this is not my family. And it was never my responsibility to be the first in our bloodline to save them…from who they choose to be.”

“I have a problem…refusing to stop trying to find problems where there are none. It honestly feels like I’ve been programmed to anticipate the worst…even when things are at their best. Which is why I’m so quick to drop everything and leave when I feel like something’s off. I got tired of being surprised by trauma, so my solution has been to anticipate it before it arrives. But this usually turns me into the traumatizer because illusionary issues are all my perception sees sometimes. Can I simplify this toxicity? 1…2…4% of the time…I create problems that have no solution because there are no problems. And admitting that I’m the problematic problem addict is bothering me. Because it makes me feel like…i’M tHe pRoBLem.”

“I’m not sure “what tf is go’ins on”. But all the people who my intuition told me sleep with sacrifice…have simultaneously started refusing to stop proving me right. So…I sat back and let the situation with my niece play itself out. And this morning…she FT’d me. It’s the 2nd time I’ve been allowed to talk to her in 2 weeks and just like the first call…after we hung up I got a text from my sister asking me to play pick up. Which triggered another Thumb and Thumber performance. My little sister ended up sending another screenshot trying to prove one thing…while unknowingly showing how she tries to trigger my mania. Midway through our bONdiNg session…I went back to the Gang Goofy chat. Because these hoes really are trying to sacrifice my mental stability…to this day.”

“A while back my mindset asked me to stop trying to fit in with people…fixated on staying in shape with societal norms. Which severed my connection to cookie cutters. Now, I spend my time emotionally investing in people who are comfortably aligned with their rough edges. Because this energy has the kind of emotional depth that feels worthy of the kind of love I give. The freeness of a spirit like this feels so good…that I almost always develop an addiction to the energy. My obsession is slightly self-serving because being locked in with this type of soul…unlocks parts of my soul that I haven’t accessed yet. And the spiritual connection that’s birthed from this hook up…always forces an equal exchange of elevation…that I feen for.”

“I knew my ‘family’ was going to be back on ball sacks when I decided to start saying ‘no’ more than I say ‘yes’. So earlier when my little sister threatened to off herself after I told her I had too much work to play chauffeur…I moved around the manipulation they’re used to me falling for. Now I see why it’s been so hard to set boundaries with them. Because any pushback I give on helping make their lives easier…turns into a life or death situation that I’m blamed for. She ended up blocking me after writing her fiNaL text, so I went to the chat to detail this new Goofy Gang Banging tactic. But still no response. Situations like this would normally make me bend to their will. This time I left the ones who willfully signed up for the role of ‘mom’…to sing their woe is me’s in the carpool lane.”

“I rarely sleep through the night because my body always wakes me up around 3am. I used to lay in aggravation until I fell back asleep…but a couple years ago I started meditating. I usually focus on deep breathing while thinking about whatever comes to mind. But I noticed whenever I concentrate on blocking everything out, the rest of my day is peaceful…irrespective of what’s warring with me. So I purposely did this last night. Because my feelings had me wrapped around their fingers. Earlier they politely asked me to act on the psychologically unsound plans my anger made yesterday. Fortunately, maintaining control over the entry of my pillow thoughts…prevented my day ones…from catching a case.”

“I had a ‘friend’ tell me that there was no point in ending the relationship I was in at the time…because I was just going to attract the same soul in a different body. She was right but I’m a Gemini. So I keep attracting a soul with split personalities. Earlier today I realized it’s because we’re energetically bound…through an inescapable soul contract. Our first encounter was in my teens. The second was in my late 20s and the third in my early 30s. Toxicity made me walk away from those connections but I attracted their energy again a while back. Because we’re contractually obligated to heal whatever trauma our souls came here with. But his refusal to stop mix signaling…has me wanting to hurry up and learn our lesson…so we can both move tf on.”

“When I was a pre-teen…my uncle’s ex wife told me about the time her and her friends used a Ouija Board to try and talk to dead relatives. She said the lights started flickering so they ran outside. And when they came back in…the living room furniture was turned over. So when I grew up…I saw spirituality as demonic. But when I started my own spiritual journey, I learned our spiritual experience depends on our soul…and its intentions. My intention has always been to heal…so mine has been filled with pain. Because in order for me to find my cure…I have to feel the symptoms of my sickness. Now that I see how my Ancestors communicate to me through my healing…I’m choosing to identify as a Ouija Board. Please respect my pronoun.”

“My intuition has been scaring tf out of me lately. And I know it’s stronger because of the emotional balance I now have. The full moon just passed and it came with the typical trauma triggers from my ‘family’. Now that I see how my gift works when I’m stable…I understand why they work so hard, every moon cycle, to throw me off. I’ve been trying to detach. But I keep looking at think pieces on that Unknown Number documentary…and thinking about my little sister’s almost doesn’t count apology. Which has my intrusive thoughts overriding my psyche with questions like: What about my destiny is so important…that these people would spend all these years trying to swap out my ability to stay seated in it?”

“I have a habit of conditioning the people I love…to think that my life revolves around them. And it does…until it doesn’t. So being asked to drive almost an hour away…to go pick my niece up from my sister’s job…after she told me she was “bored”, didn’t surprise me. Because I’ve done more for less. Lately I’ve been trying to put myself first though. Is it working? Ugh ugh. This time was easy because my sleep schedule has been off, so my eyes closed the minute I finished work and laid down. After I woke up, I thanked myself for refusing to offer me up as entertainment…when my body was telling me she needed rest to get back in alignment. Then, I proceeded to use all the energy I didn’t have yesterday…on her today.”

“The only plan I had today was minding twins business. Until I ran an errand and saw the car that used to show up everywhere I was…before I got that video back in July. It was going in the opposite direction and as soon as I saw the dice hanging from the rearview…I knew it was the same rANdOm. They were turning into an apartment complex and I saw that the plates matched too. So when I finished my run…I went back to do a photoshoot. Now I’m laying here laughing at God’s callback for this comedy set…up. Because I could’ve been anywhere else in the city. I’m assuming He just wanted them to see me…see them. And if it was their intention to have me paranoid before…I got my lick back without even trying.”

“One day last week I was asked to pick my niece up…and waited til the last minute to pretend I wouldn’t…until I got an apology. My pettiness paid off because my little sister finally gave me one…under duress. She had just had a milestone…so after pick up, I took my niece to get her a gift and balloons. It must’ve done something to her because earlier today I got a free will apology for her Goof Troop participation. And even though I’ve offered empty words to band-aid irreversible damage before too…I couldn’t accept it. So I went back to the chat. My soul needed to tell the other ‘gas’car racers, who might want to give their own actionless apologies, to “shove it up their a** and clench it”. Because I prefer changed behavior over words.”

“I’ve adjusted to the new hall monitor as much as I’m going to. My growth is on eat though because I broke my lease the last time this happened. But today…I bought flowers. Because all the triggers from these last handful of years…suggest that this is the straw that was supposed to Baker Act me. And I’ve watched enough Body Cam videos to know that my ‘diagnosis’ guarantees anything I say will be held against me if I let that happen. It won’t since I finally understand these environmental triggers come…when I have control over my mind. A lack of control is what cripples my creativity. Which is why I quit this project the first 2 times. So mastering my ability to maintain my composure under pressure…is still the lesson.”