“It’s some things from the past that deserve to be kept in rotation because…they add value to the present. But there are others that reserve the right to be memorialized as vintage memories. Rotary phones came to the front of my mind earlier and I was trying to picture this outdated technology…campaigning to compete with what’s currently trending. I couldn’t tho. That thought led me to thinking about my old style of written communication…in comparison to the way I convey my points now. And the growth is giving. Because I used to go in circles…trying my hardest to connect the dots in ways that would be well-received. Now I’m effortlessly tap dancing on tops.”

“The voices in my head talk to me all the time. Sometimes they relay spiritual downloads…other times they just want to be heard. For the last couple weeks, one of them has been sporadically saying the name Topanga. I used to watch Boy Meets World when I was younger, but I didn’t remember all the details of her character. So I started binge watching clips from the show…and fell in love with everything she represented. Rewatching it reminded me why it’s so important to market individuality. Irrespective of how painful going against the crowd can be. Because most of our culture has been conditioned to allow institutionalized influencers to think for them…just to avoid drawing attention to the fact that they have a mind of their own.”

“I just heard about a gangstalked individual…succumbing to the pressures of that program, by taking someone’s life. And her villain origin story sounds a lot like what I’ve been writing about. Her experience helped validate my belief that giving life to this artificially inseminated psychosis…always leads to a dead end. When my Gang Goofies first started preying on my mental…it confused tf out of me. Especially since my whole life had been filled with them trying to reinforce my insignificance. Which is why I’m so appreciative of the new initiates who seem to be going out their way to get a reaction. Because paying this much attention to me…helps maintain the glitches in my matrix.”

“Competition doesn’t intrigue me, at all, because my engagement suggests I’m sharing a lane. Which is why women who center their identity on competing for a chance to ride…horses…confuse me. These are the jezebel spirits. And some go through stables of souls, struggling to find their perfect fit. But their reckless riding style usually only leaves them…with foal play. Because horses worth riding, know to buck the system…when they’ve been strapped to an unstable saddle. Unfortunately, when you’ve been raised to see your worth through the eyes of who you’re attached to…being ejected from one…just triggers an immediate jump to another. Instead of healing to become a better example…for those your womb gave you rein over.”

“I’ve told some unflattering truths on this project…accidentally on purpose. My intuition expected it to be used against me…but only by those who’d need me to stop writing. Because my truth inadvertently exposes the sacrifices they’ve made…to stay in this game. The botheredness from one of my crossovers, recently led to a flagrant foul…from a pass around. And it looks like twin laced up to take the shots…out of spite. But I’m wondering why. Since all the sh*t we both talk…is mint to bother these hoes. ‘At tha enda tha day’…I’m never not aware of the flaws my pockets still have me in. So, all dribbling to spray me with tea I poured does..is explain why you always look so thirsty. I just want this spray cat…to retire those loose lips already.”

“I would never tell someone to be disrespectful towards their elders. But I don’t always follow my own advice. So I feel like the ornery honesty I gave my ‘grandmother’ earlier was appropriate. Because she never practiced what she preached. Which created two toxically lost generations…and counting. When I first started the chat, I approached her with indoctrinated respect that her behavior never earned. Today I moved past her entitlement and told her the truth. Her messy marriage to my BM’s dad is what birthed sociopathic offspring and I’ve been waiting for her to acknowledge that. Unfortunately, my elders are just elderly. And they pretend to forget their part in our problem…so we never find a solution.”

“Earlier today, I got some ‘familial’ news that led to the kind of chat crash out that I used to engage in…before my hEaLiNG. It’s crazy how I convinced myself I was getting better. But the minute I felt like I had too much pressure on me…my fear forced me to buckle underneath it. I tried carrying the weight of the energy first…but that gave me a migraine that I still have…9 hours later. Because what I was told…affects an innocent soul. I was privately asked not to speak on what I knew in the chat. So I said everything but that. By the time I calmed down, it was clear that I haven’t changed…at all. When I feel out of control of certain circumstances…I still resort to reckless reactions and ego orgies. And I do this…knowing I’m wrong…while doing it…with a smile.”

“I want to start by saying…I’m innocent. But……………………someone got into a one-sided argument with me again…at my niece’s school yesterday. It was basically an escalated misunderstanding. Then………….after not invoking my birth mate’s colorful commentary today in the chat, I was reminded that seeing something differently than someone else…shouldn’t always lead to me attempting to explain how wrong they are. This reminder only came after I accepted that when they gossip gworl our interactions, it won’t sound anything like my version. Because we don’t think alike. Is this an admission of guilt? I feel attacked…again. Now I’m trying to figure out how to wean my psyche off of inviting myself to sip tea…with people who’ll never speak the same language as me.”

“I used to hate when people played in my face. It feels like my intuition is being blatantly disrespected and…ion like det. So my response was always to play mind games until we break even. Then I met the inner child of someone who has mastered the art of playing. Which is requiring me to become a master of self-control. Because his adult is in possession of my favorite toy…but he only lets me play with it when I control my temperament. This annoyed tf out of me at first because it took away my ability to be emotionally manipulative. But it helped me realize his play dates are meant to teach my inner child, how to share my feelings…like a grown up.”

“I finally see why my ‘family’ wants me to believe I’m too logicstically distant to be in our circle of distrust. I’m passively petty. And after receiving a disturbing tea text…I had to accept that. I’m not saying it was disturbing because it invoked any anxiety though. I’m saying it’s disturbing because I shipped it straight to the group chat and redistributed it in a way…that was meant to disturb their peace. Keeping me out the business prevents me from taunting them when their behavior proves my foresight right. But I must be growing. Because I had the opportunity to drag it…but letting them know, that I know, was enough this time.”

“Seeing the good in people, before I find the bad, has never been my ministry. My upbringing conditioned me to seek out how they’ll be a problem for me first..because that protects me from being caught off guard. Which gives me a sense of security. Then I realized I was putting people in a box, that my perception wouldn’t allow them space to grow in. Because once I see someone as the problem…my soul won’t rest until I find my way away from them. But I’m starting to realize this approach…creates more problems. So I’m learning how to allow people to show up as they are. Without my need to pressure them into fitting into the unproblematic frame…that my psyche struggles to picture them in.”

“I love being led. But I hate being told what to do. Which is why I like going left…when I’m told to blink my eyes. I realize my perspective reads childish but…I still haven’t grown out of it. My desire to adult, like normal people, has me hyper focused on why I have such a strong sense of rebellion. And the answer goes back to the latch key leadership I received in childhood…that led to my lack of trust in authority. So I do better when I’m shown what’s expected of me. Because if I’m being led by example, I’m more likely to believe I’m not just being wanded in a direction that’s only beneficial for the con…structive criticizer.”

“I finally got to talk to the last pair of genes I fit in with. All I usually have to do for these triggers to stop is “act sane”. My self-control goes against their narrative, so they give me what I’m asking for when I do. This way the conversation can quickly be changed to avoid addressing their toxicity. Normally I let it go. But today I felt like giving my BM and her genetically goofy churn a reason to be mad. Because it irritates me that she knew I was different since I was a child. And chose to use narcissistic triangulation to try to keep me from seeing that my difference is my gift. So I decided to get in her head by reminding her why she’ll never qualify to speak on what I haven’t accomplished yet.“

“I didn’t remember blocking my BM’s oldest son…until my twin laughed at a text he sent today. She randomly wrote his name in her 2 word response, which let me know he’s been sending texts…and they’re all confused on why I haven’t reacted like I usually do. My sac sharer still can’t find the right spot to hit…to extort any emotions out of me. And her older brother always enters the chat when she can’t get the job done. Because I used to respect him enough to drop my guard when he disagreed with me. But I learned my lesson after the last time he got too close to grounding me. So I didn’t even notice his absence. Which reminded me how fast my love can die…when I decide its existence no longer benefits me.”

“The communication ban still hasn’t been lifted and…I’m pretending to be indifferent. Because I’ve already wasted too many years begging the emotional terrorist in my ‘family’, to stop using their kids to negotiate my return into their Goof Troop. And now that I realize their carelessness is intentional…I have to care less. All the other holidays they did this, I freely offered my energy to be harvested. But I’m starting to accept that they take my ability to speak to my niece away around this time…because they want me to feel like I don’t have any ‘family’, during a season that’s meant to be spent with one. So knowing the emotions they’re trying to invoke…is forcing me to give the opposite.”

“My misalignment in the spiritual is what threw me off in the physical. So it didn’t matter how right the position I took with my ‘family’ was…I still sounded real wrong. I knew, without knowing, that what I felt about them was right. But I couldn’t articulate it in a way that made sense to anyone but me. Because I was trying to explain something that can only be felt with the spirit. Aligning my chakras through meditation is what helps me wrap my head around what my soul shows me. And quieting my mind allows me to hear what I feel. The clarity that came from that showed me the only reason I was experiencing ‘psychosis’…is because I was disconnected from the sense God gave me.”

“School break is coming up. So my abrupt cut off from my niece makes more sense. Because this has been our holiday celebration for at least 4 years. And these devout ChRiSTiAnS love sticking to toxic traditions…that they feel entitled to be forgiven for. Normally I’d be rioting in the chat but…I’m too aware of my spiritual protection. Which is why my womb mate now seems to be spiraling. She couldn’t shame me out of my spiritual beliefs back when she referred to my proven predictions as “omens”. Now my calmness is drawing attention to her heightened levels of botheredness. Their reaction to my growth gives proof of goof. But I’m overlooking it right now because I need the receipts.”

“Ion know…how to work phones. Which was okay until I couldn’t find an old text. Fortunately, my love for truth recently sent me to Candace Owens’ podcast. She ended up teaching me that I can search a word…to find a text. So I typed in “nothing” and found the text from 2021, where my BM told me: “But, you have accomplished NOTHING.”. It was in response to me telling her dad that ‘a tree should be judged by the fruit it bears’…after they tried to gaslight me out of the counseling conversation. But her words fell flat because she was campaigning against my mental health at the time. I eventually outgrew her narrative. And today I used her words to show how maternal envy…rotted all the ‘family’…that tried to stay attached to her.”

“I should’ve expected some form of familial f*ckery, since the new moon is in a few days. I didn’t though. And I got caught off guard by another wave of anxiety…intentionally created for me to get swept up in. I’ve been trying to decenter myself from believing I’m the main character of these raggedy a$$ rituals but…my bloods still give extra…every moon cycle. Did I go back to the chat? I can’t reca…I needed to recite my lines! This time I tried to shine my light on how their toxicity ultimately affects the kids. But I was too high off my ego. So I ended up using this as another example, to prove their cyclical sacrificial-esque behavior…isn’t just a figment of my “spiritual psychosis”.”

“I never liked patience because…she always takes too long to get to the point. So I preferred instant gratification…until I learned that’s not how God operates. Everything is done in its Divine order and this project is proof. Because I sounded bat sh!t crazy when I first started writing. I overate everything served to me in my emotional environment. And all I gained was excess ego. Which led to side shows of psychosis, that taught me God puts the fullness of our spiritual gifts in waiting rooms…to see if we’ll abuse the power that comes with it. If we learn to exercise restraint…He eventually grants us clarity on how to use it. If we don’t…He lets us look like fools…until we do.”