“You have to be a special kind of victim…to play victim…after someone you victimized...reacts to their victimization. Which is why I’m keeping it mute on an old situation that’s currently crashing out for my attention. I have a habit of making people feel like they’re more important than they are to me…and the consequences of my actions are always the same. I invoke their undivided, after removing mine from them. Then they become obsessed with humbling me. I accept that discarding people is a self-absorbed character flaw that I haven’t fixed yet. And the punishment fits the crime so I won’t try to psychoanalyze the head cases of the actual victim(s). Because my mirror is still all I’m trying to look into.”

“I know I’m supposed to be irrationally reacting to the triggers from my ‘family’ but…this is just another full moon ritual. So spinning a web of words is pointless because their intention is to get me caught up. Our dynamic has been dead. But watching my bloodline’s calculated fall back is still hard…because it leaves me alone on an island. Leaving their energy behind raises my vibration though. Most of my anxiety is gone too because I don’t have to worry about when the next trigger is coming. And I love how this feels. The expectation of being who I need to be for myself is the only pressure I’m under right now, so I can’t grieve this loss like I used to. Because my pinnacle can only be reached…in their absence.”

“If all the energy my ‘family’ has put into triggering my psychosis was studied…it’d show they’ve made a calculated attempt to swap destinies with me. But all their effort lacks logic, since the life of a “chosen” is supposed to be filled with trauma…that’s meant to be transmuted into lessons for the next generation to learn from. So their Hidden Triggers are really just forcing me to live in my purpose. And even if the swap was successful, the spiritual burdens assigned to me would eventually find them. Because all of my destiny has to be fulfilled. Unfortunately, some people are so bothered by the burdens that come with the flesh God gave them…that the fine print gets ignored…and swap meats become an obsession.”

“I went back to the chat and ion wanna talk about it………………..I just think it’s funny how I’m supposed to pretend my niece isn’t being held hostage, every time I don’t pimp my ride out. Everything was going fine with muting my menace…until I found out my BM has had a perfectly good car…that was left to her after her dad passed…parked in her garage. I’m not all the way in the business of telling people what to do with their assets…but this is déjà vu. Because my BM’s dad gave her a car a few months before my niece started her first year of school too. When I asked if she could pay her bLeSsiNg forward by giving my sister her other one…I was ignored. And spent the next 4 years conducting rides…while they ran trains on my psyche. So today…I expressed my polarity.”

“My misHandlers are in the middle of another ransom ritual. Suh-fu*king-prise. Disconnecting from the kids is never a choice I’ll choose and they know that. So my little sister still has the privilege of dangling the presence of her child above my head…with the hope that I’ll be baited into self-sacrificing. This time I made the mistake of using her situation as proof of one of our generational curses…after communication to my niece was cut again. And that comparison put me back on the ‘read and ignore’ list. It feels like this is another attempt to get me to go back to the chat though because they always send the Young Mom in to trigger me when I ghost them. The intention is to get me to respond irrationally…so they can spray me with silence. Because these rituals are meant to switch out my energy with theirs.”

“Being a focal point is always an afterthought for me…until I have the attention of someone who has mine. Before my mind matured, my physique was my dawg whistle. After I woke up, I couldn’t even have a conversation unless I was being stimulated…mentally. Because I have nothing to do with the image God created when He molded me. The shape of this mind was sculpted from the years I intentionally spent laying on my back though. So getting someone I like to stand at attention…from thoughts produced by all my hard work…hits different. And it makes me feel seen for who I actually am. This gives me the kind of happiness that money can’t buy…and builds the kind of bond…that everyone pays attention to.”

“It’s giving parallel universe atp. I know I’ve been professing my spiritual beliefs for a ‘long periolodically time’…but believing is a lot different than seeing. And now I’m actually starting to feel crazy because what I see…is nothing close to what my ‘family’ tried to convince me I saw as a child. I’ve always had the ability to dissect behavior in a way that exposes people’s demons. But I was born into the kind of ‘family’ that prefers to live comfortably with theirs. They had to condition me to second guess my intuition because when I’m aligned with my gift of sight…I have a bird’s eye view of everything that needs to be healed. So they forced me to carry all their unhealed trauma. Because it weighed my spirit down…and raised theirs.”

“I started this new thing where I turn inward when someone’s behavior encourages me to lash outwards. But I just started a few minutes ago so I don’t have a success story yet. The thought came after I realized how far people will go to avoid taking solid advice. And that distance is usually created by discrediting the deliverer. Which is why I’m reminded of my ‘disorder’…anytime I speak an uncomfortable truth. This tactic triggered tf out of me…until one of the few people who have my respect, expressed a truth I didn’t want to hear. My initial response was to find fault so I didn’t have to listen. After I finally submitted, I had to accept that most of my triggers…come from me projecting my behavior onto other people.”

“I didn’t even make it 24 hours before reneging on my decision to rELeAsE my ‘family’. (SSs Below) I promise I had every intention of cutting communication but…I wanted to keep hurting them with my words…the same way their silence hurts me. Projectile texting in the group chat is my coping mechanism and I’ve had a hard time stopping because my silence solidifies my ex-communication. So I went back to remind them that their Hocus Pocus plot failed. And I ended it by reminding my twin how she randomly said I’d never be the “chosen one”…right before their trigger triathlon started. But now that I’ve set the intention to remove souls who make daily deductions from my energy bank…I’m the one going through withdrawals.”

“I feel like 86.5% of the things I’ve experienced up to this point were meant to mentally incapacitate me. And if I hadn’t followed the guidance to start honoring my Ancestors, it probably would’ve. The smear campaign against my mental was meant to make me look crazy, but my admittance of Ancestral praise will also have people looking at me like I need to be straitjacketed. Because we’ve been brainwashed into believing that calling on (the solid) souls who came before us…is some sort of sorcery. Even though God was the One who gave them life…and we share DNA. I do my best not to police the religious practices of other people. BUT if my ability to show gratitude to individuals who actually look like me is seen as anything other than love…something’s wrong.”

“I’ve always had an issue speaking my mind with people because…I never know when I’m saying something that I’m not supposed to know. I feel like that’s what gave me away to my BM because the older I get…the more I realize this is what gives me away to most people. No one ever tells me when I’ve said a secret out loud though. But sometimes I can tell based off the response. Because they go from being indifferent towards me…to desperately obsessed with seeking out my hidden truths. IMO…it’s to cope with the vulnerability their exposure forces them to feel. My move away from their brand of toxicity, must be why I feel like so many of them are now tuned in from the bushes…waiting to see what I say next.”

“I developed an addiction to artichokes recently and…I’ve been eating them everyday for the last few weeks. When I first got the cravings…I looked up different ways to cook them. One video I watched ended up showing me that I’d been throwing away the best part…for YEARS. I only had my own understanding to rely on back then, so whenever I got to the hairy part…I stopped eating. Ngl, being shown the right way to do it almost had me in tears. Because it reminded me how many pleasurable experiences we miss out on in life…without the kind of guidance that helps grant our access to it. For me, if it’s healthy…not stopping when I get to the undesirable parts is always the lesson. And now that I know how to get to the heart of what I do desire…I can’t get enough.”

“I’ve had issues showing my hand through my initial reaction to things. So when my little sister said “I wonder how that would’ve looked.”, in response to me expressing my belief that they’ve been trying to get me to off myself…I forced my reaction to be void of the pain that sentence induced. She was in her feelings because I gave her another “no” today and after our exchange…I had to release them. Because I realized that everyone in my immediate ‘family’ responds similarly to my refusal to be who they expect. I have years worth of group chats to validate this. But it took seeing her response…to fully come to terms with the fact that this is not my family. And it was never my responsibility to be the first in our bloodline to save them…from who they choose to be.”

“I have a problem…refusing to stop trying to find problems where there are none. It honestly feels like I’ve been programmed to anticipate the worst…even when things are at their best. Which is why I’m so quick to drop everything and leave when I feel like something’s off. I got tired of being surprised by trauma, so my solution has been to anticipate it before it arrives. But this usually turns me into the traumatizer because illusionary issues are all my perception sees sometimes. Can I simplify this toxicity? 1…2…4% of the time…I create problems that have no solution because there are no problems. And admitting that I’m the problematic problem addict is bothering me. Because it makes me feel like…i’M tHe pRoBLem.”

“I’m not sure “what tf is go’ins on”. But all the people who my intuition told me sleep with sacrifice…have simultaneously started refusing to stop proving me right. So…I sat back and let the situation with my niece play itself out. And this morning…she FT’d me. It’s the 2nd time I’ve been allowed to talk to her in 2 weeks and just like the first call…after we hung up I got a text from my sister asking me to play pick up. Which triggered another Thumb and Thumber performance. My little sister ended up sending another screenshot trying to prove one thing…while unknowingly showing how she tries to trigger my mania. Midway through our bONdiNg session…I went back to the Gang Goofy chat. Because these hoes really are trying to sacrifice my mental stability…to this day.”

“A while back my mindset asked me to stop trying to fit in with people…fixated on staying in shape with societal norms. Which severed my connection to cookie cutters. Now, I spend my time emotionally investing in people who are comfortably aligned with their rough edges. Because this energy has the kind of emotional depth that feels worthy of the kind of love I give. The freeness of a spirit like this feels so good…that I almost always develop an addiction to the energy. My obsession is slightly self-serving because being locked in with this type of soul…unlocks parts of my soul that I haven’t accessed yet. And the spiritual connection that’s birthed from this hook up…always forces an equal exchange of elevation…that I feen for.”

“I knew my ‘family’ was going to be back on ball sacks when I decided to start saying ‘no’ more than I say ‘yes’. So earlier when my little sister threatened to off herself after I told her I had too much work to play chauffeur…I moved around the manipulation they’re used to me falling for. Now I see why it’s been so hard to set boundaries with them. Because any pushback I give on helping make their lives easier…turns into a life or death situation that I’m blamed for. She ended up blocking me after writing her fiNaL text, so I went to the chat to detail this new Goofy Gang Banging tactic. But still no response. Situations like this would normally make me bend to their will. This time I left the ones who willfully signed up for the role of ‘mom’…to sing their woe is me’s in the carpool lane.”

“I rarely sleep through the night because my body always wakes me up around 3am. I used to lay in aggravation until I fell back asleep…but a couple years ago I started meditating. I usually focus on deep breathing while thinking about whatever comes to mind. But I noticed whenever I concentrate on blocking everything out, the rest of my day is peaceful…irrespective of what’s warring with me. So I purposely did this last night. Because my feelings had me wrapped around their fingers. Earlier they politely asked me to act on the psychologically unsound plans my anger made yesterday. Fortunately, maintaining control over the entry of my pillow thoughts…prevented my day ones…from catching a case.”

“I had a ‘friend’ tell me that there was no point in ending the relationship I was in at the time…because I was just going to attract the same soul in a different body. She was right but I’m a Gemini. So I keep attracting a soul with split personalities. Earlier today I realized it’s because we’re energetically bound…through an inescapable soul contract. Our first encounter was in my teens. The second was in my late 20s and the third in my early 30s. Toxicity made me walk away from those connections but I attracted their energy again a while back. Because we’re contractually obligated to heal whatever trauma our souls came here with. But his refusal to stop mix signaling…has me wanting to hurry up and learn our lesson…so we can both move tf on.”

“When I was a pre-teen…my uncle’s ex wife told me about the time her and her friends used a Ouija Board to try and talk to dead relatives. She said the lights started flickering so they ran outside. And when they came back in…the living room furniture was turned over. So when I grew up…I saw spirituality as demonic. But when I started my own spiritual journey, I learned our spiritual experience depends on our soul…and its intentions. My intention has always been to heal…so mine has been filled with pain. Because in order for me to find my cure…I have to feel the symptoms of my sickness. Now that I see how my Ancestors communicate to me through my healing…I’m choosing to identify as a Ouija Board. Please respect my pronoun.”