“After accepting that these humiliation rituals were always meant to block my happiness and silence my voice, I asked God to “help me transmute that energy into love and light”. A few minutes later, I felt guided to talk to my inner Tiffany Valentine. So I grabbed one of my niece’s dolls and pretended she was me…before my first experience with public embarrassment. I prepared her for what she’d eventually have to deal with and stressed that if she ever took the bait by projecting the subsequent misplaced anger onto others…she’d spend years being humbled…until she learned to be humble. Then I held her, while envisioning the energy of unconditional love being transferred between us. Because I knew she’d never not take the bait.”

“I finally got to talk to my niece…but the week I spent in solitary confinement, woke up the voices in my head. Atp, I’m used to the mob mentality of these wild whor…boars. But I don’t think I’ll ever get used to suppressing the rage I feel when I acknowledge that it’s their undiagnosed mental disturbances, that’s intentionally impeding my peace. I have a few go to affirmations when I get triggered like this…but they weren’t working like they used to. So I asked my Guides to help me find a new mantra I could repeat over and over, that would silence the sadistic tendencies of my other half. And my voice of reason quietly screamed…”Thy will be done.”.”

“Months later, after he brought it back up, I caught the stray fist that left me with a permanent reminder of him. If I had taken time to factor in how my unhealed trauma would have me intentionally provoking his…I would’ve never given him my number. If I had taken time to acknowledge the trauma in him that I was incapable of healing…I would’ve left when I first found out about it. But my ego’s need to feel like I saved someone, completely capable of saving himself, made me ignore all of our red tags. And my refusal to accept that I was the one I needed to save…had us both catching strays…until I finally gave him back to the streets I found him on.”

“Dealing with souls who’ve been conditioned to believe that rules don’t apply to them, is a lot. Because the goal post is always moving. How do I know? i’M spEAkiNg HyPoTheTicALLy. These types of energies are like pocket gophers because we’r…they’re territorial over what doesn’t even belong to them…while expecting the actual property owner to go for anything. They’re gifted at going beneath the surface to move around energy that’s stagnant. But possessing the ability to easily detach from them is necessary because their carelessness can damage your root systems. So if there aren’t boundaries put in place…their love for digging out different tunnels…could destroy your whole foundation.”

“Tim Burton’s rendition of Alice In Wonderland held my attention today and The Mad Hatter stood out. IMO, Wonderland is about psychosis and most of its characters represent a different mEnTaL diSOrDeR. Hatter’s intentional inability to focus suggests he’d be misdiagnosed with ADHD…if he was in the ‘real’ world. But the attention to detail required in his chosen profession, makes it obvious that he just picks and chooses when he follows man made rules. Before rewatching it, I fell for Hatter’s rebellious spirit. This time…I fell in love with how protective he is of Alice. That protection allowed her to see through all his madness…so he could help her remember who she is…and fulfill her prophecy.”

“I finally watched Sinners today. It took me a minute because…I like doing things on my own time. I honestly need these movie distractions right now because my sister still refuses to let me talk to my niece…just in time for the full moon. The script had a lot of wisdom written into it…but the lesson on acceptance stood out to me. Because God is in the process of teaching me how to let go of my sAViOr complex. I keep going back to my DIY default, for responsibilities that belong to my sister, but all that’s doing is keeping her fangs of entitlement intact. So this time, instead of letting her disrespect drain me…I’m making her carry her own weight. I knew my boundary would temporarily cut access to my heart…but staying in this emotionally abusive cycle would permanently suck the life out of me.”

“Today I felt guided to rewatch Kandi from Xscape’s movie The Pass on Tubi. Spiritually speaking: The movie details how chosen souls are targeted by karmics, for their essence. Because money is 3D currency…but energy is the currency in the 5D. The ‘chosen’ soul in the movie ends up marrying a karmic…who pretended his other marriage was over. And his coven of karmic friends were in on it because they all stood to benefit from her (energetic) inheritance. The spiritual ranking of a soul is what determines how many energies are sent in to run a blitz like this. So for her…’a scheme was set up’ by creating a business for her to work at…to make the love lie look believable. But the onus was on the ‘chosen one’ because…God gifts us with discernment…so we can call audibles.”

“Now that I’m finally able to maintain my composure under pressure, I’m wondering if my past episodes of lunaticism were just the backend of pent up truth…purposely suppressed by me in order to keep the peace. Because when I used to get angry…I’d say everything I refused to say when I wasn’t. Most times it felt like someone flipped a switch inside of me that forced me to emotionally cripple the target(s) of my frustration. Shadow work taught me it’s okay to speak up about what’s hurting me. Daily meditation taught me how to control my impulses. And accepting that I was sent to Earth to experience pain…so that I could learn how to transmute it into love…helped me make peace with my existence.”

“I’ve noticed that most men can’t acknowledge their childhood trauma. Which makes their aggression, towards the women they date, passive. Because they were never allowed to voice past hurt to their mothers. So they grow up manifesting Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny type relationships. The women they choose become the targets they can never hit because we’re the symptom…not the root cause of pain. If Elmer was a love interest of mine, I’d tell him that his refusal to stop shooting blanks…is a direct result of his inability to hit the button of accountability on his mom. And until he has the hard conversations with her…he’ll continue to attract perceived betrayals that mimic the ones he was never given permission to address in his childhood.”

“Atp, my flawed existence has humbled me enough to accept that even though I’m gifted…i’M nOt bETtEr tHAn aNYoNe. And when I forget…God reminds me. Which is why I get so annoyed when I people watch individuals who serve a different god. Because they possess the freedom to be obnoxiously arrogant. I refer to them as MBA holders because…they have Motion By Association. This association can be to people, possessions, organizations, etc. Anything that allows them to forget who they really are on the inside…without outside influence. Most of them lack actual talent and the way they obtained their degree…is usually surrounded by their sacrifice of innocent souls.”

“I love my advice…until I’m the one that has to take it because it’s invaluable…but inconvenient. I know I write from a high horse perspective in most of my posts but in all honesty…I know human behavior so well that when I want to do some slick sh!t…I can hide it behind good intentions with a straight face. But now that I’m dealing with a twin flame…I’m being shown how it feels to parlay with someone like me. Unbelievably unfair. So yesterday when I told half the truth about an ex energy I don’t want back…I should’ve known the ricochet was coming. Because I left out the half that implicates an eye that still wanders. And even though I’m wrong…I still need that.”

“I had to reach out to my ex’s mom. I remembered a family member of his has access to systems that peek through privacy…by way of his employment. Which is how he got my number. And because he was still calling me from random lines…I snitched. I let his mom know and she told me to keep blocking him like most of their family does because…“He’s still crazy.” Nothing about that relationship made me want to deliver support to this ex. But because I know how he was parented…I replied telling her he’s not crazy…he just doesn’t know how to process his childhood trauma. I told her my family is just like theirs, said I hope they can all heal together and blocked her too. Because accountability avoidance is still a trigger for me.”

“Soooo…I locked myself out my car this weekend. In the 10 years that I’ve had my car…this has never happened. ………..Fortunately, I didn’t completely close my door so there was enough space to use a wire hanger…that I didn’t have. After finding a yard sign from the business I was at, I took it apart and used the metal prongs. 45 minutes in, I had to find my peace by talking to God. And I was two seconds into playing victim, when He reminded me that my perspective is what k!lls my peace. So the test was to see if I’d default back to what doesn’t serve me. Right after our ‘talk’, I felt guided to work the prongs from a different angle and…the right button got pressed.”

“Arrogance and infidelity go hand in hand. And most people who cheat…are so self-involved…that they actually believe the person they cheat with…wants them. But if someone knows you’re in a relationship…200 times out of 10…they want the privilege of being able to feel like they got one up on your spouse. Women compete with each other this way and men do the same. If more people realized that they’re actually pawns…and not players…a lot of heartache could be avoided. Especially since getting the upper hand isn’t even the real goal. Spiritually speaking: Attaching a soul tie to your partner, by way of you, is. So being the portal or the phallus used for this energy harvesting isn’t a flex. Because…‘It’s not you, it’s me’.”

“The overall consensus is that her man is cOnTRoLLinG for wanting to see her without a painted face filter and…I’m trying to understand the issue. But I can’t because the real issue is insecurity. Most of us weren’t shown how to love our reality so the new norm is to overcompensate by wearing someone else’s face, hair, body and personality…while expecting who we are to be loved by a man. Natural girls have problems attracting authentic connections too though. Which is why self-love is so important to us. Because learning how to lay up, with or without a teammate, prevents the desire to alter who you are…just to be accepted by everyone else…but you.”

“Today’s the new moon…and Mercury is Retrograde. Which means rituals are being performed and our past is coming back around to see if we’ve learned from it. My ‘family’ played their role and triggered tf out of me today but I couldn’t find my anger. I found my way back to the group chat though. But I was unbothered in my texts because now I know how valuable my energy is. It’s crazy how we rarely learn the worth of our energy…but we’re all taught to worship money. Even though most riCh people can’t even afford peace. I finally found mine and the influx of triggers is my confirmation that this is the point no one wanted me to reach. Because now that I’m calm enough to see how hungry people are for my energy…I’m the one in feast mode.”

“I’ve never been the kind of woman who gives up easily on people I love. Which is why I spent almost 5 very long years trying to get my ‘family’ to see that the way we process our trauma is toxic. It was always my intention for us to heal after having this uncomfortable conversation because I never wanted to know what life was like without them. But narcissists can’t be negotiated with. You either bend to their will or suffer the consequences of choosing not to. Learning to live without them took a minute for me to do because loyalty is coded in my DNA. Learning how to be loyal to myself, first, was the lesson though. So now I approach life with the understanding that it doesn’t matter who you are…if my peace is disturbed by your presence…ion want it.”

“I used to compare my life to The Truman Show because the energies in my environment always seem obsessed with keeping tabs on me. A situation took place this past Sunday that validated my suspicions of being tracked and God put me in position to catch it on camera. After getting that validation…I’m now seeing my life as Stanley Milgram’s obedience experiment. Because the souls assigned to drive me past the brink of insanity…did so even though they knew how much trauma they were inflicting on me. Now it feels like God gave me the ability to seamlessly articulate my pain…just so I could give these souls the opportunity to choose to either add to it…or remove themselves in order to help facilitate my peace. But…majority chose to go on an ego trip.”

“DATiNg is interesting because there’s so many unhealed people attempting to do it…while pretending that their trauma doesn’t exist. Which is why I usually attract someone who, to avoid getting hurt, keeps someone else waiting patiently in their outfield…that’s thirsting for a chance to catch some balls. And what I realized is…there’s two types of women in this world. Home runs and walks. One requires skill and precision to get…while the other is handed out with no effort on the hitters part. If more women understood our place on this totem pole, there’d be a lot less one sided competitions. Initiated by women too insecure to see that getting the man isn’t goals. Keeping your self-respect is.”

“…Unfortunately, a lot of people mistake love with convenience. And as long as benefits come from the experience…they’re in it. But real love can’t be switched on and off because it’s felt on a ‘soulular’ level. To the point that if you’re spiritually in tune with your physical body and that love is ever jeopardized…you feel a sensation in the center of your chest. Because that’s where your heart chakra is. Love is about…action, so the words never really have to be said because the behavior it induces speaks for itself. It breeds a need to be protective of its recipient and it’d d!e before dishonoring itself. Most people like to think they’re in love…but they’re really just in love with the idea of somebody loving them. Lost puppy is what it’s giving.”