“It took a while, but I finally reached a place where I’m no longer confused on who I belong to. Past choices I’ve made have reinforced my fear that I’m addicted to putting my faith in the wrong thing…which leaves me a**ed out every time. So I’m grateful that God took His time with allowing me to get comfortable with the idea of choosing Him. Because if I’m being honest…I had my doubts. And I can admit that I purposely took my time acknowledging that He really is who He says He is because…I like being difficult. But His name precedes Him for a reason. So even with all the melodrama that’s been happening the last few mont…years, I’m still able to remain unmoved because…I accept that I’m His.”

“I’m fortunate for the way my job is set up because losing his contract won’t make a big difference. But what’s agitating my soul is…instead of just saying he wanted to part ways, the last couple weeks he’s been trying to find fault in my work to justify his decision. What’s crazy is when I politely called him out last week, after sensing the setup, he never responded. I had to hear about his decision from my employer today. He honestly didn’t have a choice but to pretend he’s “restructuring” because his plan to blame it on my work ethic was never going to work. All he did was expose himself…by trying to expose me. He tried so hard to find a reason to do what he already planned to do…instead of just telling me what it was. I hate sh*t like that.”

“For most of my life, I’ve been the type of learner who only learns through feeling what I make others feel. Because if I don’t feel it…I can detach from my emotions and cross a lot of lines of respect. It’s rarely ever my intention to be disrespectful but when I am, I need to feel the consequences “in a real way”. And the only consequence I’ve ever respected…is having someone act just like me…towards me. Gemini’s rule communication so I’m usually aware when I’ve gone too far. But if I ever loosen my lips too much…God always sends me a voice of reason that speaks to my carelessness. If I don’t listen…I set myself up to be tormented by reflections of my own toxicity.”

“A while ago I received a reading from a Spiritualist that finally answered why I could never drink or smoke away my 3rd eye’s ability to see what people hide. Her insight led to me looking up Indigo children and Starseeds. My early research took me to an unseasoned YT video on VICE’s channel about Chosen Ones that felt like a spoof. In the video, a mother of an Indigo insinuated that force feeding sugar to a seer is the best way to deal with our temperament. My BM must’ve been told the same because she created an addiction in me that contributed to my inability to regulate my emotions…at a time when my gifts were starting to develop. That instability had me fearing my gifts. And the addiction to sugar was my gateway to numbing myself as a way of coping.”

“The party came and went…and I wasn’t on the guest list. A lot took place that I can’t speak on but what I can say is…my ability to predict a thing before it happens…is still a thing. Normally a trigger this big would send me on an all day group chat rant, throwing stones at anyone who needed to be hit. But because the g(r)ow up is real, I understand these rituals are purposely timed to fit inside the new/full moon cycles. So I sun’d them. Instead of getting my ego high off the recklessness of my pride…I chose to celebrate my little sister for Mother’s Day. Didn’t I send like 5 back to back troll texts the chat? Of course I did babes…I never said I was too mature to throw ‘I told you so’s’.”

“The text back from my niece’s mom led to me calling out her behavior and…the conversation went left. But I stayed calm. After the two month no contact order she put in place and the party invite/uninvite…they still haven’t managed to engage my TazMania Devil. So desperation is what these thirst traps now give. I say that because after I called out the holes in her story…I got blocked…again. Was I disrespectful? I don’t understand your question. Either way, my continued refusal to pretend I don’t see the plays they’re making has them panicking. I did ask my wombmate to forward my apology a few hours later, for the way I said what I said. But the fact that I can still see through them…seems to be a lot more offensive than the way I express myself.”

“Atp, I have no desire to stay on this diet of kindness and mercy because all I’m craving is chaos. I hate the fact that the only logical option I have is to remain calm because I want to put on the show that everyone is expecting to see. Mainly because this is the first birthday party I’ve ever missed and the more I think about that, the angrier I get. Didn’t I say I’d be ok with missing it as long as she’s happy? Put your lips together babes.I’m annoyed! But I gave my word to myself that I’d do the opposite of what’s expected of me. So even though I feel the most seen when I let my twin have its way with me…this time I can’t because I know I’ll end up overeating.”

“I kept my promise, to my niece, not to reveal what I knew and after 4,321 texts, my little sister finally told me it’s my BM that doesn’t want me there. She told me that my BM is the one who’s paying for it, so I see why she was able to call the audible. What I don’t understand…is how they still don’t see that by going out of their way to make me feel a way…they’re giving me more evidence of my pull. Especially since I’m not paying as much attention to them…as they are to me. Putting this much effort into trying to knock me down…keeps revealing the pedestal they secretly have me on. So now…I’ll happily take the backend blessing that’s coming from this upfront game of telephone.”

“…she told me that the reason I haven’t received the details for the first party is because my toxi…bitte…sociopat… biological mother asked for me not to be invited. The exact words for her reasoning were “she’ll just mess it up”. My immediate reaction was to laugh because…………not only did this %$&@# refuse to get me help after my biPoLaR diAGnOsiS at 15…she spent the last 4 years convincing the whole ‘family’ how mentally unstable I am, to avoid going to therapy with us. Now she’s not even woman enough to see what all my hard work in ex-communication produced. I never want to know what it feels like to have this much animosity towards a child I chose to birth. This has to be the closure I’ve been refusing to acknowledge that I need because that hit my heart harder than I expected.”

“Earlier today, after texting to ask if I could get my niece tomorrow, I got a ‘yes’. But even with that being said…this is the third time this type of ritual has been done and coincidently…it’s the third time in my life that my cycle is over a month late (canceled pregnanc…(ies) not included). What’s crazy is this is the first time I felt like I was actually in control of my emotions but my body is still responding like I’m out of it. Idc what anyone says…these rituals are done to make me permanently turn my light off…but flipping the switch would hand them a win. And I’m not giving these ho…es anything.”

“There’s been a handful of times, in the past few years, that I felt like the struggle to clear my name was over. The feeling always appeared when my words came true…in front of the same people who swore sideways that I was delusional. And the more they were spoon fed evidence that my intuition is really her…the more mouths they put on me. It’s understandable because these energies are incapable of accepting me at my word. Because if they do…they have to admit that I’m not lying about what I say I see in them. The subsequent trauma these adult children intentionally inflicted on me was meant to make me sleep on my gifts…so my spirit turned into the Female Freddy.”

“Because everyone gets to form opinions about your situation…while silently celebrating the fact that no one is discussing the details of theirs. How do…Don’t ask me how I know. I hate that this is happening to him but this situation is a part of a bigger conversation. Which is the obsession some of our hue has with finding self-worth through their proximity to what our ‘sAViOr’ deems worthy. Some of us need to attach ourselves to the counterparts of a particular race because society has reinforced the fallacy of our inadequacy for so long. And when a heavily hued individual is too busy buying into what another race deems valuable…a permanent disconnect from our own heritage can occur. That disconnection makes it impossible for us to play our role as ‘elder’ to the younger generations properly because we’re no longer connected to our essence.”

“I finally got a text back from my sister but…no details about the party were included. After 2 months of her refusing to allow me to see my niece, she asked if I would pick her up from school…45 minutes before dismissal. The people pleaser in me fought to over-explain myself because I knew my refusal to stop work and drive the hour there…and the hour back…would be used as a reason to rescind my inViTAtioN. Dropping everything to make sure they’re straight is always how she gets me to re-enter these toxic cycles. Being a ‘good’ sister overrides my desire to have her take accountability for her behavior and I fall right back into over giving. But being a doormat is now deaded so…I said “No.”. Ion feel like feeling played anymore.”

“I still haven’t gotten a text back but I’m good because I saw the play coming. This situation has me thinking about a conversation I had with my niece a few months ago about our birthdays that are a day apart. While we were talking she asked me what gifts I wanted and I told her the only one I want is happiness. I could tell by the look on her face that she was trying to figure out what she could do to make that happen so I told her that making me happy is my job. I told her that other people in our life can add to our happiness but we should never need them for that. And if we do…we give them power over us. At the time I didn’t factor in that I was calling in a trigger. Now that I’m on this island…being my own source of happiness is God’s way of granting my birthday wish.”

“I honestly thought I had everybody blocked, besides my niece, so I was surprised when I got a text from my niece’s mom asking if I want to come to the first party they’re having while school is in session since my niece’s birthday is in the summer. I replied within minutes asking her to give me the details and 6 hours later…no response. Years of these hairpin triggers lets me know that their goal is to get me in a heightened state of anxiety. So instead of woe is me’ing…I sat with my emotions. After accepting what I can’t change I decided not to make it about me and shifted my focus to how happy I know my niece is to be having 2 parties. These ho…demon…bitc…’women’ can kiss my as…heal.”

“The scripture “To whom much is given much is required” kept popping up in my head earlier. For the last couple weeks, I’ve been feeling convicted about the egoic way I usually choose to convey my emotions. Because the more God allows me to heal, the more I’m able to accept that the way I see this world is a gift. Which means when I speak on what He shows me…it shouldn’t be coming out in curs(e)ive. Atp, I recognize the advantage I have over the emotional states of others. This isn’t new to me because I’ve always had the ability to make others feel what they don’t want to. The lesson I’m now being given, is to learn to silence my pride whenever I commune with inner children…that rebel against my refusal to handle the adults they’re housed in with kid gloves.”

“It’s possible to outgrow a desire to entertain certain energies…but it’s impossible to outgrow our ability to attract them. IMO, the foundation laid by our parentals is what all of our relationships are built on…irrespective of how much healing we do. Which is why I feel like attracting certain aspects of both my parents in the people I interact with is a forever thing. Because we attract who we are and their blood will never not run through my veins. Learning how to navigate my emotions through the behavioral traits in them that trigger me is the only way I’ll ever have successful relationships. So the goal for me is to continue studying the trauma they gifted me. Not because I want to keep living in the past. But because I need to know how to respond to triggers that I’ll never not attract, in a healthier way then I used to.“

“None of them have called to make sure I’m still breathing. Which is insane to me because they spent so many years trying to convince me of how much psychiatric help I needed. Don’t I have them all blocked? I don’t see how that’s relevant to this conversation. Earlier I was thinking about how my immediate ‘family’ of 5…cut me off one by one…when I refused to keep playing the ‘see something/say nothing’ role they assigned me. It’s like I had a Bingo card filled with unaddressed trauma associated with each of them. And every time I addressed it and made them feel something they didn’t want to, a box was stamped. I ended up winning the game…and the prize was my realization that my silence would’ve kept our bonds alive…but that would’ve killed my soul.”

“I’ve been chained to my intrusive thoughts for a while and I spent a lot of time wishing I wasn’t. A lot of these thoughts challenge my reasoning on certain beliefs that I don’t want to change but no matter how hard I try to disconnect from them…they seem committed to getting me to connect the dots. Now that life is allowing me to catch up with my intuition, I’m able to see that most of these thoughts are intentionally being planted in my psyche. Because they’re meant to serve as my guide for decisions that I need to make. Lately a lot of these thoughts have been the foreshadowing of things that end up happening in the future. The spiritual community refers to this as getting a ‘download’ and I see them as confirmations that I’m in alignment with the path that God wants me on.”