HairPin

Caution: Long post…I’m in my feelings. (SS’s below.)

Another new moon…another trigger attempt…

I genuinely thought I’d be exempt from any trigger attempts this new moon cycle since I’m no longer in communication with anyone in my ‘family’. I honestly thought I had everybody blocked, besides my niece, so I was surprised when I got a text from my niece’s mom asking if I want to come to the first party they’re having while school is in session since my niece’s birthday is in the summer. I replied within minutes asking her to give me the details and 6 hours later…no response. Years of these hairpin triggers lets me know that their goal is to get me in a heightened state of anxiety. So instead of woe is me’ing…I sat with my emotions. After accepting what I can’t change I decided not to make it about me and shifted my focus to how happy I know my niece is to be having 2 parties. These ho…demon…bitc…’women’ can kiss my as…heal. My little sister did a similar trigger on 3/5, texting me out the blue to ask if I wanted my niece’s new number. Just for me to find out a couple weeks later that I was given the wrong one. I can not.

What’s crazy is not even 30 minutes before I got her text today, I had to talk myself out of crying 2 times within a 10 minute span. The intrusive thought of none of them coming to my defense about the blatant lies being told about my mental state is what had me entertaining the idea of caving in the first time. After empathizing with myself, I went back to studying for the renewal of my insurance license. I’ve been using that to distract me for the last month and I’m so glad the timing is lining up with everything that’s going on. All of the useless information I’m packing into my brain is holding attention that I’d probably be giving to the group chat if I didn’t have this to focus on. A couple minutes after escaping the first maze of misery…the thought that they’re all sitting back waiting for me to have another volatile reaction came into my mind. Acknowledging the evil that has to exist in a person in order for this to be possible almost made me crack but I accepted that too and moved around.

It’s been years of me doing everything I can to bring attention to their uncomfortably obvious attempts to get me to lose the peace I found since detaching from them. And every time I think I have a breakthrough in the mind of someone who can help me…silence takes the place of support. I legitimately thought that creating that Facebook account and uploading all the screenshots, for the ‘family’ members who aren’t in any of the group chats, was going to save me from this ongoing emotional extortion. But the people who accepted my friend requests…and those who ended up friend requesting me…all sat back watching the secret society of sacrifice attempts too. Which doesn’t surprise me when I really think about it. Because I’m not the only ‘mENtaLLy uNStaBLe’ person that they’ve done this to in our ‘family’. I’m just the first one they haven’t gotten to fold under the pressure of their dysfunction.

With this trigger…they’re either trying to get me to black out so they have a reason to uNiNVitE me or my little sister never expected for me to get her text since she thought I had her blocked. I told my twin a couple weeks ago that they both were after we had words. Either way the plan never included me doing my 1s and 2s through the party in the essence of my peace…that they can’t figure out how to take from me again. This sh*t is annnnnnoying.

Love,

Choosy

*Clarification: 4/7/25 is the day I was allowed to speak to my niece but the call was cut short after I told her that my little sister had me blocked from talking to her. I sent that text after my little sister hung up on me.