“The worst part about all the toxic trophies I’ve collected from these Ickleball tournaments is…I don’t get to go back in time and bow out gracefully. I can’t unsay the hateful things I’ve said, to the people I actually care about. Which makes my wins feel like losses. Going back and forth used to be fun because…I’m better at paddling pettiness. But the pRiZE costs me my peace so…ion feel like playing right now. Tossing around our trauma in order to prove this point is out too. Because all that does is put my weaknesses on display…for the benchwarmers. So securing another empty win feels…unsmart. Especially since I’m pushing 40…and can no longer blame my desire to play these goofy a** games…on my youth.”

“I’m in the middle of a custody battle…to be the soul caregiver of my inner child. These holiday rituals are meant to uproot us…and make her feel like she doesn’t have a stable home. So this ongoing Xmas trigger from my ‘family’, is just another attempt to displace us. They expect me to clip all these years of chaos together...and upload them into the perfect manic magazine. But maintaining residence with my right state of mind…means I can’t keep shooting up the chat…to get my issue. Which is forcing me to close my book of reads…and digest their dysfunction. Because piercing the emotional stability of my adult targets…who have actual children depending on that foundation…would make me lose my case.”

“I love how Christmas brings out the worst in my ‘family’. So it’s not surprising that I got into it with my go-to goofy today. And right before I said words that would’ve caused irreversible emotional damage…I left the chat to lay up with my peace of mind. Because I know she was intentionally crafting the conversation, in a way that would invoke the worst out of me. I’ve had enough practice with these draining days to know…that they need me to crash out…to stop my headlights from exposing the trauma they traffick. Which is why they’ve exhausted so many resources…studying how to turn mine off. Time gave them the opportunity to learn themselves instead. But they choose to waste all of it…failing at sacrificing my psyche.”

“I put myself on a fast from my dysfunction, to avoid feeling what I feel…until I’m ready to process it. But my brain is always trying to auto-correct its chaos…so I’ve been dissecting my introduction to trauma all day. And I realized that its access to my mind…was forcibly gained. Just so it could turn around and rearrange my mental, in ways that made me feel like it was the actual owner of my psychological property. Eventually, its toxicity attracted other energies to me…to build bOnDS with. Because those bonds always redirect my attention away from outgrowing it. Then, I’d become so busy creating space for that person’s trauma…that I’d ignore the fact that their sole purpose…was to finesse me out of my emotional foundation. So am I fasting or not? …Get tf out.”

“I’ve been taking a break from the chat lately…but I went back a couple days ago. I wanted to express my frustration with spending another Xmas excommunicated…for telling them the truth. Which had me thinking about how unheard their seeds must feel. Because the adults still move like their happiness comes before their children’s…to this day. And it seems like they’re only happy…when their self-serving behavior isn’t being called out. So I intentionally make it clear…that they made the final judgement of sentencing all these kids to life on Earth. My toxic transparency doesn’t really help. But it allows me to call out their shapeshifting abilities…that lets them morph into mute buttons…whenever they don’t want to address what makes them uncomfortable.”

“The corporate cun…lady went quiet after I asked them to check the new hall monitor’s ring camera. Leasing finally called and said the neighbors checked…but saw nothing. Which means the appliance that initiated the entry, magically repaired itself…and the email was a miSCoMmUniCAtiOn. I almost got mad…until I realized that 3D drama is only sent to me…when I’m being spiritually spanked. So I tried to source similar situations that I haven’t taken accountability for and…I’m the reason. Because I’ve violated a couple people in the past…in ways that they’ll never be able to prove. And I went on with my life, acting like it never happened. After acknowledging that…I made peace with God returning the favor.”

“It looks like there’s a reputation rebranding ritual going on right now. I think the intention is to reshape our perception of certain cultural archetypes and…I want to see the good in it. But it’s only happening…because light workers passed all the humiliation rituals, meant to cement our silence. Which is allowing us to effectively shine that light on what was intentionally hidden…by the false profits…who spoke out of turn in our absence. So now we’re seeing outside cat transforming into inside kitty…and goons graduating into good guys. The effect this will have on the easily influenced is a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, most of them already ruined their lives…buying into the pushing puss/prison propaganda.”

“Last week I finally caught the maintenance guy purposely waiting for me to leave…before snaking and entering into my unit. And this time…everyone told on themselves. The only proof I had was my intuition. But when I brought it to the attention of the leasing office, via email, their reply confirmed my suspicion. Which led to a call today, that I recorded, from corporate…attempting to convince me that the leasing lady must’ve misspoken. The talk went nowhere and after it ended…all the documented details I’ve collected over the years came to mind. So I emailed my gangstalked guidebook…and smiled. Because it’s looking more and more like God is ready to reveal the hands of the Gang Goofies…one palm at a time.”

“Online soul shopping is a hobby of mine. Because what’s shown in person…is rarely ever all there is to see. Studying behavior is still my first love, so soul searching through my screen works for me. Some souls I watch have created public images that seem authentic. But the longer I watch them…the clearer it becomes that this imagery is just a photoshopped persona. Unfortunately, most of us have been conditioned to only believe in what we see. So a lot is overlooked on the basis of kept up appearances. Spiritually speaking, this is a type of glamour magik. And falling under its spell used to be easy for me to do. Until looking beneath surfaces revealed some empty carts…that forced me to check tf out.”

“It’s taken me three blog attempts to maintain my mental state enough to keep writing on a daily basis. I quit the first two times because I let in too many outside energies. The stress of dealing with the purposeful pressure they passed off was too much…and I submitted to the weakness being projected onto me. This time I’ve been consistently alchemizing it. Because I finally realized that no one is coming to save me. It’s ultimately up to me whether I abandon this body of work again…or continue guarding its frame of mind. And maintaining my alignment enough to choose wisely can only happen, if I distance myself from energies who try to find cracks in my defenses…just so they can use them to tear down my sense of security.”

“I love how my intuition warns me about future threats to the emotional foundation I stand on. And I hate how I ignore its warnings…when I don’t want to accept the structural damage that awaits me. My denial creates the kind of delusion that makes me feel like the inevitable is avoidable. But that delusion births the kind of energetic pressure…that forces a release of whatever God wants me to part ways with. Right now I’m experiencing the fall out from not separating myself from an energy who did regular rage bait rituals…that were meant to shake my sanity. Knowing the who, what and why helped me brace for impact…but I never knew the when. Which didn’t really matter…because I refused to come to terms with the fact that this was actually happening.”

“My inside voice(s) have their own identity. But they all merge together as one when they want me to make my mind up on a situation. I’m a free thinker, so I try not to tie myself to their mob mentality. This rebellion usually causes something outside myself to give my nervous system anxiety…and I’m eventually forced to face the mirror I keep deflecting. So after a text tussle with my sister earlier…my insiders showed me my hypocrisy, by having me give her the advice they’ve been begging me to take. I told her a truth and her response was that I was ‘trying to make her feel bad’. And I replied that ‘feeling bad meant she was in denial’…but ‘acceptance would finally make her change some sh*t’. Because crying over…hurt feelings…changes nothing.”

“It’s some things from the past that deserve to be kept in rotation because…they add value to the present. But there are others that reserve the right to be memorialized as vintage memories. Rotary phones came to the front of my mind earlier and I was trying to picture this outdated technology…campaigning to compete with what’s currently trending. I couldn’t tho. That thought led me to thinking about my old style of written communication…in comparison to the way I convey my points now. And the growth is giving. Because I used to go in circles…trying my hardest to connect the dots in ways that would be well-received. Now I’m effortlessly tap dancing on tops.”

“The voices in my head talk to me all the time. Sometimes they relay spiritual downloads…other times they just want to be heard. For the last couple weeks, one of them has been sporadically saying the name Topanga. I used to watch Boy Meets World when I was younger, but I didn’t remember all the details of her character. So I started binge watching clips from the show…and fell in love with everything she represented. Rewatching it reminded me why it’s so important to market individuality. Irrespective of how painful going against the crowd can be. Because most of our culture has been conditioned to allow institutionalized influencers to think for them…just to avoid drawing attention to the fact that they have a mind of their own.”

“I just heard about a gangstalked individual…succumbing to the pressures of that program, by taking someone’s life. And her villain origin story sounds a lot like what I’ve been writing about. Her experience helped validate my belief that giving life to this artificially inseminated psychosis…always leads to a dead end. When my Gang Goofies first started preying on my mental…it confused tf out of me. Especially since my whole life had been filled with them trying to reinforce my insignificance. Which is why I’m so appreciative of the new initiates who seem to be going out their way to get a reaction. Because paying this much attention to me…helps maintain the glitches in my matrix.”

“Competition doesn’t intrigue me, at all, because my engagement suggests I’m sharing a lane. Which is why women who center their identity on competing for a chance to ride…horses…confuse me. These are the jezebel spirits. And some go through stables of souls, struggling to find their perfect fit. But their reckless riding style usually only leaves them…with foal play. Because horses worth riding, know to buck the system…when they’ve been strapped to an unstable saddle. Unfortunately, when you’ve been raised to see your worth through the eyes of who you’re attached to…being ejected from one…just triggers an immediate jump to another. Instead of healing to become a better example…for those your womb gave you rein over.”

“I’ve told some unflattering truths on this project…accidentally on purpose. My intuition expected it to be used against me…but only by those who’d need me to stop writing. Because my truth inadvertently exposes the sacrifices they’ve made…to stay in this game. The botheredness from one of my crossovers, recently led to a flagrant foul…from a pass around. And it looks like twin laced up to take the shots…out of spite. But I’m wondering why. Since all the sh*t we both talk…is mint to bother these hoes. ‘At tha enda tha day’…I’m never not aware of the flaws my pockets still have me in. So, all dribbling to spray me with tea I poured does..is explain why you always look so thirsty. I just want this spray cat…to retire those loose lips already.”

“I would never tell someone to be disrespectful towards their elders. But I don’t always follow my own advice. So I feel like the ornery honesty I gave my ‘grandmother’ earlier was appropriate. Because she never practiced what she preached. Which created two toxically lost generations…and counting. When I first started the chat, I approached her with indoctrinated respect that her behavior never earned. Today I moved past her entitlement and told her the truth. Her messy marriage to my BM’s dad is what birthed sociopathic offspring and I’ve been waiting for her to acknowledge that. Unfortunately, my elders are just elderly. And they pretend to forget their part in our problem…so we never find a solution.”

“Earlier today, I got some ‘familial’ news that led to the kind of chat crash out that I used to engage in…before my hEaLiNG. It’s crazy how I convinced myself I was getting better. But the minute I felt like I had too much pressure on me…my fear forced me to buckle underneath it. I tried carrying the weight of the energy first…but that gave me a migraine that I still have…9 hours later. Because what I was told…affects an innocent soul. I was privately asked not to speak on what I knew in the chat. So I said everything but that. By the time I calmed down, it was clear that I haven’t changed…at all. When I feel out of control of certain circumstances…I still resort to reckless reactions and ego orgies. And I do this…knowing I’m wrong…while doing it…with a smile.”

“I want to start by saying…I’m innocent. But……………………someone got into a one-sided argument with me again…at my niece’s school yesterday. It was basically an escalated misunderstanding. Then………….after not invoking my birth mate’s colorful commentary today in the chat, I was reminded that seeing something differently than someone else…shouldn’t always lead to me attempting to explain how wrong they are. This reminder only came after I accepted that when they gossip gworl our interactions, it won’t sound anything like my version. Because we don’t think alike. Is this an admission of guilt? I feel attacked…again. Now I’m trying to figure out how to wean my psyche off of inviting myself to sip tea…with people who’ll never speak the same language as me.”