“I used to hate when people played in my face. It feels like my intuition is being blatantly disrespected and…ion like det. So my response was always to play mind games until we break even. Then I met the inner child of someone who has mastered the art of playing. Which is requiring me to become a master of self-control. Because his adult is in possession of my favorite toy…but he only lets me play with it when I control my temperament. This annoyed tf out of me at first because it took away my ability to be emotionally manipulative. But it helped me realize his play dates are meant to teach my inner child, how to share my feelings…like a grown up.”

“I finally see why my ‘family’ wants me to believe I’m too logicstically distant to be in our circle of distrust. I’m passively petty. And after receiving a disturbing tea text…I had to accept that. I’m not saying it was disturbing because it invoked any anxiety though. I’m saying it’s disturbing because I shipped it straight to the group chat and redistributed it in a way…that was meant to disturb their peace. Keeping me out the business prevents me from taunting them when their behavior proves my foresight right. But I must be growing. Because I had the opportunity to drag it…but letting them know, that I know, was enough this time.”

“Seeing the good in people, before I find the bad, has never been my ministry. My upbringing conditioned me to seek out how they’ll be a problem for me first..because that protects me from being caught off guard. Which gives me a sense of security. Then I realized I was putting people in a box, that my perception wouldn’t allow them space to grow in. Because once I see someone as the problem…my soul won’t rest until I find my way away from them. But I’m starting to realize this approach…creates more problems. So I’m learning how to allow people to show up as they are. Without my need to pressure them into fitting into the unproblematic frame…that my psyche struggles to picture them in.”

“I love being led. But I hate being told what to do. Which is why I like going left…when I’m told to blink my eyes. I realize my perspective reads childish but…I still haven’t grown out of it. My desire to adult, like normal people, has me hyper focused on why I have such a strong sense of rebellion. And the answer goes back to the latch key leadership I received in childhood…that led to my lack of trust in authority. So I do better when I’m shown what’s expected of me. Because if I’m being led by example, I’m more likely to believe I’m not just being wanded in a direction that’s only beneficial for the con…structive criticizer.”

“I finally got to talk to the last pair of genes I fit in with. All I usually have to do for these triggers to stop is “act sane”. My self-control goes against their narrative, so they give me what I’m asking for when I do. This way the conversation can quickly be changed to avoid addressing their toxicity. Normally I let it go. But today I felt like giving my BM and her genetically goofy churn a reason to be mad. Because it irritates me that she knew I was different since I was a child. And chose to use narcissistic triangulation to try to keep me from seeing that my difference is my gift. So I decided to get in her head by reminding her why she’ll never qualify to speak on what I haven’t accomplished yet.“

“I didn’t remember blocking my BM’s oldest son…until my twin laughed at a text he sent today. She randomly wrote his name in her 2 word response, which let me know he’s been sending texts…and they’re all confused on why I haven’t reacted like I usually do. My sac sharer still can’t find the right spot to hit…to extort any emotions out of me. And her older brother always enters the chat when she can’t get the job done. Because I used to respect him enough to drop my guard when he disagreed with me. But I learned my lesson after the last time he got too close to grounding me. So I didn’t even notice his absence. Which reminded me how fast my love can die…when I decide its existence no longer benefits me.”

“The communication ban still hasn’t been lifted and…I’m pretending to be indifferent. Because I’ve already wasted too many years begging the emotional terrorist in my ‘family’, to stop using their kids to negotiate my return into their Goof Troop. And now that I realize their carelessness is intentional…I have to care less. All the other holidays they did this, I freely offered my energy to be harvested. But I’m starting to accept that they take my ability to speak to my niece away around this time…because they want me to feel like I don’t have any ‘family’, during a season that’s meant to be spent with one. So knowing the emotions they’re trying to invoke…is forcing me to give the opposite.”

“My misalignment in the spiritual is what threw me off in the physical. So it didn’t matter how right the position I took with my ‘family’ was…I still sounded real wrong. I knew, without knowing, that what I felt about them was right. But I couldn’t articulate it in a way that made sense to anyone but me. Because I was trying to explain something that can only be felt with the spirit. Aligning my chakras through meditation is what helps me wrap my head around what my soul shows me. And quieting my mind allows me to hear what I feel. The clarity that came from that showed me the only reason I was experiencing ‘psychosis’…is because I was disconnected from the sense God gave me.”

“School break is coming up. So my abrupt cut off from my niece makes more sense. Because this has been our holiday celebration for at least 4 years. And these devout ChRiSTiAnS love sticking to toxic traditions…that they feel entitled to be forgiven for. Normally I’d be rioting in the chat but…I’m too aware of my spiritual protection. Which is why my womb mate now seems to be spiraling. She couldn’t shame me out of my spiritual beliefs back when she referred to my proven predictions as “omens”. Now my calmness is drawing attention to her heightened levels of botheredness. Their reaction to my growth gives proof of goof. But I’m overlooking it right now because I need the receipts.”

“Ion know…how to work phones. Which was okay until I couldn’t find an old text. Fortunately, my love for truth recently sent me to Candace Owens’ podcast. She ended up teaching me that I can search a word…to find a text. So I typed in “nothing” and found the text from 2021, where my BM told me: “But, you have accomplished NOTHING.”. It was in response to me telling her dad that ‘a tree should be judged by the fruit it bears’…after they tried to gaslight me out of the counseling conversation. But her words fell flat because she was campaigning against my mental health at the time. I eventually outgrew her narrative. And today I used her words to show how maternal envy…rotted all the ‘family’…that tried to stay attached to her.”

“I should’ve expected some form of familial f*ckery, since the new moon is in a few days. I didn’t though. And I got caught off guard by another wave of anxiety…intentionally created for me to get swept up in. I’ve been trying to decenter myself from believing I’m the main character of these raggedy a$$ rituals but…my bloods still give extra…every moon cycle. Did I go back to the chat? I can’t reca…I needed to recite my lines! This time I tried to shine my light on how their toxicity ultimately affects the kids. But I was too high off my ego. So I ended up using this as another example, to prove their cyclical sacrificial-esque behavior…isn’t just a figment of my “spiritual psychosis”.”

“I never liked patience because…she always takes too long to get to the point. So I preferred instant gratification…until I learned that’s not how God operates. Everything is done in its Divine order and this project is proof. Because I sounded bat sh!t crazy when I first started writing. I overate everything served to me in my emotional environment. And all I gained was excess ego. Which led to side shows of psychosis, that taught me God puts the fullness of our spiritual gifts in waiting rooms…to see if we’ll abuse the power that comes with it. If we learn to exercise restraint…He eventually grants us clarity on how to use it. If we don’t…He lets us look like fools…until we do.”

“I grew up in a ‘family’ full of women, dependent on putting the needs of the men they were with first…until the relationship ran its course. And the only thing that love left them with, post struggle, was at least one child…that they didn’t really want. Which gave me an underlying resentment towards men. This sabotaged a lot of relationships, because I was always fighting my way out of following the same back burner blueprint…laid out by my rOLe mOdELs. If I had it to do over…I’d learn the lesson of respectful reciprocity BEFORE entertaining other energies. Because the hurt my selfish self-defenses caused, turned perfectly good souls…into vengeance seeking trolls.”

“It’s crazy to me how people vilify crystals, but fold on all their baseless beliefs…for the one named diamond. Social conditioning is what teaches most to treasure one, while diminishing the value of the other. And this perceptual prohibition comes from word of mouth. Which is why I can’t stand when people describe anything bad…as dark. IMO, it subconsciously demonizes high concentrations of melanation…while simultaneously uplifting its counterpart. But people still, unassumingly, use this description interchangeably. Because we’ve been taught to only dig as deep as social acceptance…for the passive prejudices we perpetuate with our spoken words.”

“I go out of my way to give parental advice…even though I refuse to be a parent. I come from a curse breaking perspective so…I feel overqualified. But there are some piss poor parents, so hurt by presently facing the consequences of their past mistakes…that they go out their way to ensure those coming behind them…suffer the same fate. I saw a tRuStEe of this branch, publicly promoting dysfunctional dating practices last week. And it reminded me why so many kids are left paying interest…on emotional debt they inherited from the eLdERs. Because those old enough to know better, are freely loaning out predatory aDViCe…that exploits the souls they’re supposed to be saving.”

“It takes dedication to stay committed to doing the opposite of what’s expected of you. And it takes concentration to intentionally pretend to know nothing about…what you’re clearly going out of your way not to do. I can understand this approach, when the anticipated response compromises your progression because…this is how I move. But rebelling against emotional maturation confuses tf out of me. I feel like this fear of growing up is rooted in manipulation. Because growth requires us to actually hold ourselves accountable…instead of creating the illusion that we do. So some pretend to be oblivious to the consistency of their childishness…while begging you to never land on addressing it.”

“I almost had a rant relapse in the chat today. So…I went and bought a heavier kettlebell. I got triggered after I couldn’t get my niece for the day. This time, my twin had asked before me. And when my niece found out we both wanted to get her…she got “upset”. Because she wanted us all to go out together…like we used to. The tears I cried invoked my rage…which led me back to the chat. I articulated my anger for how fractured the familial foundation now is for the younger generations…based off the mental imbalance of the grown goofies. I sat in the silence of their response long enough to accept that we can’t change what they won’t acknowledge. Then I went to Dick’s…to find some bigger…bells.”

“Before my mental health was weaponized against me…I spoke freely about what my third eye showed me about my ‘family’. I still haven’t gotten over the “spiritual psychosis” accusation my twin made…because my receipts don’t give that. Eventually, I realized my ability to shine a light on what I was never supposed to see…could’ve only come from a supernatural Source (God). So I started funneling my vision…in a way that only allowed the spiritual side of my sight to be poured in. Because this was the only way to see the genesis of our generational curses. And my refusal to lose focus, ended up silencing their smear campaign...created to siphon my sanity.”

“I think…a lot. My thoughts used to come and go as they pleased because I didn’t know how to set boundaries. And because my sense of self was a reflection of what I believed everyone else thought of me…the lowest hanging fruit got to come first…every time. Earlier today, one of its seeds shot through my new thought process portal. Which made me ask myself “Who has influence over your privates right now?”. Catching the intrusive thought slipping past my encrypted gates threw me off. So I needed an answer, when I felt how insecure it was trying to make me feel. Because my mindset has shifted so far away from self-doubt…that my brain can’t even imagine that type of call…coming from inside my house.”

“I knew opening myself up to another twin flame connection would induce pain because…that’s its purpose. Twins expose what needs to be healed by using a branding iron…so you never forget the location. And after the imprint is made…healing begins. But soulmates don’t like seeing their counterparts in compromising positions…because our purpose is to protect the essence of our shared soul. Which made ignoring the chemistry I feel with mine mandatory. Because just like the first time we met, he’s en…tangled. Cosplaying coleslaw isn’t palatable, irrespective of how much chi…cken you have. So the only thing being birthed from this soul mating season…is the labor of love God is allowing me to produce through this project.”