“For a while, black women were escaping our punishments for refusing to be held accountable…until our men started preferring other races/cultures. And now…the great divide has deepened with the increase of ‘relationship advice’ podcasts. Advice that’s being championed by ‘the blind and the bitter’ so everyone is losing.”

“I look around and see a lot of other people who are also on assignment but instead of “electrifying” their pupils…their ego “pacifies” them while craving to be seen as a ‘god’ in a field that isn’t their ministry. That oversight can lead one to ‘sacrifice’ their morals in order to achieve what they want for themselves as opposed to achieving what God wants for them.”

“At this point, I’m less concerned with how I’ll be viewed and more inquisitive about who I am. Because weird things like this keep happening and I can’t imagine that this amount of energetic effort would be wasted on a nobody. My twin telling me “I’ll never be the chosen one” has been playing in my head all day and now I really want to know who tf am I?”

“I realize this subject is sensitive because it is taboo for an African…American person to openly declare ideologies of non-inclusion because we’ve been conditioned to believe that welcoming outsiders with open arms comes naturally to us. But those open arms often embrace individuals who have hidden agendas.”

“Many many many years ago, my twin said something that sparked my suspicions about her playing with magic. One day we were leaving out of her apartment and she randomly…and casually…asked if I wanted to know how to break up someone’s relationship. I asked her what she was talking about and she said something about a ‘freezer spell’.”

“Once again, I feel like a ‘lick’ who has been ‘child trapped’ by a family full of bitters. Their expectations of me, in regards to my sister’s child, makes me feel like they’re trying to make up for the fact that I outsmarted my first two ‘trap artists’.”

“That left me with a question I still haven’t been able to answer…”Am I really bipolar?” Because if I am, the reactions I’ve had to my reality makes a lot more sense…and I’m considering reworking the angle that I write this blog from.”

“I found an old diary of mine from 2011 and decided to start reading it. This is one of 2 diaries that I still have in my possession and when I read them I always wish I had the ones from my childhood because I was always so detailed with my thoughts.”

“I fully realize I’ll probably look bat sh*t crazy to whoever reads those panic attack emails…and to whoever reads this post. And to that I can’t really say much. Because I’m aware enough to know that all of this sounds delusional to people who don’t have these experiences.”

“I need to take a few seconds to hold myself accountable for not staying in a woman’s place when I initially advised that Kdot would just be “ingesting empty calories” if he made a response.”

“God has literally been reduced to a Sugar Daddy…of sorts…and the only way for Him to get the sugar of praise is to open His wallet filled with favor. I know some will find offense in these statements and that’s probably because I’m right. But I’m also ‘bipolar’ so you have to publicly say you understand…and gossip about my jarring beliefs in private. It’s the rules.”

“The possibility of self-deletion could’ve become reality if I hadn’t found alternatives for my depression. Over the years, I’ve always known what to do and when to do it in regards to overcoming triggers meant to make me self destruct. It’s like God really wants me here.”

“Unfortunately for me, there are many psychological terms to explain away the paranoia of ‘diagnosed’ individuals, who are actually just experiencing spiritual warfare. So speaking about my experiences just opens me up to more claims about my alleged mental imbalance. And when I add in the fact that I experience this warfare from strangers too…I open myself up to suggestions for psych evaluations.”

“My issue with her refusal to play her role lies in the fact that I literally feel like I’m begging her to be the mother I always felt we deserved. One that puts her pride aside for the betterment of her unit. Instead…she allowed the same pride that divided us as kids…to divide us as adults.“

“For the longest, my ‘family’ was able to get away with this ability to plausibly deny their ‘crazed’ family member (“it’s me…hi”) until I gave a death prophecy, in December 2022, that came true when my father died two weeks after I wrote it. (SS’s below). I won’t pretend I wasn’t as shocked as everyone else when it actually came to pass…but after that…my ‘family’ went into overdrive trying to convince me of my mental imbalance.”

“ if the ‘balance bill’ for telling an unflattering truth about someone is having someone else discover an unflattering truth about me…I’d take that over biting my tongue, IF the truth I’m speaking is negatively affecting me or someone I love. The death of my pride is just par for the course.”

““Friendship” is a fantasy unless it is a relationship you have with self. Because everyone is walking around with some kind of unhealed trauma. If you engage with another human soul for long enough…at some point your existence will trigger an unflattering emotion within them.”

“I’ve been able to water down how I view my meanness though because I found sovereignty in the fact that my inner demon never appears unless provoked. But if my perspective is polluted…provocation is inevitable. So no matter how I try to dress my behavior up…I’m guilty of the same thing I convict my ‘mother’ and her minions of.”

“The sense of entitlement that this new generation of adult children have, as a result of the misguidance from the older adult children who raised them, is excruciatingly infuriating. But because I’m already at a disadvantage with having the diagnosis of ‘bipolar’…I have to carefully contain the rage flowing through my body in order to articulate the fury I feel right now.”

“I’m sure everyone reading is aware, at this point, that over the last four years the most common insult my ‘family’ has used against me is in regards to my mental health ‘issues’. I’ve been called “crazy”, “schizophrenic”, “delusional”, “paranoid” and a “loser” throughout my reign in the group chat(s) by the same people who then turned around and told me how concerned they were for my decision not to “get help”.”