“Unfortunately for him, and a lot of other men, their seeds require the kind of connection that can’t be bought. We appreciate finances but solid relationships also require a foundation of feelings. If that isn’t given…it makes it that much easier for offspring to disconnect from parental presence when we have the option to choose for ourselves as we get older.”

“My nerves have no edges and their hairline is now as far back as Weezy’s husband. Why I can’t antagonize my family in peace is beyond me…because all I’m actually doing is taking their attempts to antagonize me and turning it back on them.”

“The issue that I’m having with this change is that all the problematic people, who benefited from the version I was before, now call me miserable…while desperately going out of their way to have me return to the me I was before I found comfort in my abnormality.”

“My niece’s birthday is coming up so I’ve been trying to be a ballet dancing bull in my little sister’s China shop to get an invite. I haven’t missed a birthday since she was born but the child’s mother has made my twin miss one before. So I know she’s more than capable of putting her own frustration before the happiness of this child…just like her own single ‘mother’.”

“I‘ve always felt an intense connection to the authenticity of all things outside because it’s the only environment on this Planet that takes full dominion over its existence. The birds aren’t asking other birds for a lift, the blades of grass aren’t asking other blades to stay down so they can come up, and the squirrels aren’t out there asking for nut assistance. Everything is naturally autonomous and nothing is led by ego.”

“Being the ground that is landed on when that other shoe drops can only be endured for so long and I can not. I don’t like how it feels when I’m caught off guard with the true nature of individuals who I’d rather pretend are who they aren’t…so I’m choosing to keep their true form in my frontal lobe while moving accordingly.”

“Insecure people go to extreme lengths to stop a conversation they aren’t ready to have and that usually involves fixating on flaws of the person who had the audacity not to talk to them nice. Flaws that were ignored when their ego wasn’t being bruised but magically become an issue when it is.”

“I never told anyone from my past that I had this ‘diagnosis’ because I never bought into the concept of my illness. To me, my irrational behavior was always a proportionate reaction to someone else’s irrational behavior but the fault always seemed to fall on me because I excel in my ability to be irrational.“

“I didn’t want to admit it at first but my anger came from acknowledging that I allowed my ego to prevent me from keeping my lips together…even after being given the opportunity to curb my cattiness by my little sister. I was mad because this is a lesson God has given me before and it annoyed me that I’m still putting my need for instant gratification over the emotional well being of a child who is innocent in this situation.”

“I keep saying that these familial triggers happen the most around new and full moons. The new moon is this Thursday (6/6). I still have no clue what the significance of these time frames are but tampering with someone’s energy, the way they do, suggests spell work…to the spiritually inclined.”

“So now my question is…why does it pay more to be someone else in this world? And why is that ‘someone else’ always the group constantly being made to feel less than…even though we are the people that other people profit off of pretending to be?”

“I realize that once I started using my tongue to return the self-doubt given to me…back to my abusers…their power disappeared. Not because my words left them powerless…but because they never had any power to begin with. Because people who emotionally prey on others are cowards…who convince those they prey on that they are more than what they are.”

“I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT THE FIRST TIME I SPEAK ON SOMEONE…because my mind automatically computes toxic behavioral patterns even when I try not to see what I see. Those who have a hard time accepting that I’m able to pull their card, when no one else in their life has been able to do so, are the only ones who holler about my mental instability. Because this is what gaslighters do.”

“That encouragement will never come because everyone has been taught to be who they truly are behind closed doors…and who they aspire to be in public. Which makes sense why so many people are ‘fake’ because this is considered mentally stable behavior.”

“They need me to go ‘manic’ so that they have their ‘plausible deniability’ factor that allows them to use the kids as pawns. And they also need to use my erratic behavior as a distraction from their initial trigger…that led to my subsequent irrational behavior. This is the same loop they have caught me up in for years and I have still fallen for it 98% of the time.”

“For the longest I avoided becoming the woman who finds companionship in a non human because I wasn’t ready to concede to the forever manless fate that the older women in my family have been forced to surrender to. My ability to submit to this destiny has increased, as the years have gone by, because time has allowed me to become more comfortable with being spouseless.”

“After sitting through the melodramatics all I could think about was how easy it is to gaslight someone. If there’s an emotion that someone isn’t ready to ‘unpack’…a breeding ground for avoidance is birthed and no amount of logic can cut through the illogical reasoning of the avoidant.”

“I’ve done my best to find my gratitude when I get in moods like this but earlier today I asked myself a question that left me paralyzed in hopelessness. “What if it doesn’t get any better than this?” was the question and based on the last 10 years…the likelihood of that being a true statement is greater than it being false.”

“I was bothered…and I displayed it passively because this is what mean girls do. A mean girl is usually one deplete of any real confidence but we mask it with our ability to focus on the flaws of those that reveal our insecurities to us.”

“And in this moment, I see another theory for the silence of all the single mothers in the chat. They see no issue with us taking on this responsibility for our sibling because most accountability avoidant black parents truly believe it’s ok to have one of their childless children assume responsibilities that belong to parents…with no benefit being received by anyone but the parents. This mentally unstable belief is considered normal in our community.”