“Whenever I’m in an intimate relationship…I only focus on that person. Sometimes to the point of obsession. I prefer it that way.”

“or the last few years I’ve been screaming, to anyone who’ll listen, that my immediate ‘family’ has been conspiring to sacrifice me. The ultimate goal has seemed to be the complete deterioration of my mental health, which would either lead to my self-imposed death or the immobilization of my mind…which is still a death in itself.”

“I hate to be the one to dismiss her hurt feelings…especially when I’m the cause of it. But the timing of her plea for pity was offensive. Because it told me that they’re still using the youth of our family as pawns…in order to exact revenge on me for my past behavior.”

“When I initially started this particular group chat I was…a lot. And by a lot…I mean by calling my great great grandmother a fraud for trapping her husband with a gaggle of kids…and then pretending to be a stand up part of society even though she raised a bunch of alcoholics and abusers."

“And because I was speaking to…myself…I allowed my imagination to do what I think it was created to do…create impossibilities in hopes that my mind’s mind remembers I’m just cos playing a human being....and I still have the capability of living outside of the constraints of this reality…whenever I choose to.”

“That’s when I told my extended ‘family’ that I felt like my immediate ‘family’ was attempting to sacrifice me. For sake of trying to cosplay a ‘normal’ person…I’ll keep to myself whether or not I still believe that to be true.”

“I’ve been single for all of the 2020’s…and at this point, I don’t even remember what it’s like to share my space…and by space…I mean all spaces.”

“Yesterday, while I was writing my post, I received a text from my ‘mom’. It was a cartoon avatar of her and the wording on it said “Thankful for you”. I haven’t had a real conversation with her in years…not including the ‘debate’ we had a few months ago about the state of my mental health.”

“Fast forward to this Thanksgiving. The whole family is convinced of my lunacy…and even though my behavior is what pointed them in that direction…the seed was planted by my ‘moms’ declaration of my bipolar disorder. “

“This journey to heal myself has given me the ability to make peace with my flaws. And it helped me realize that God used the isolation that resulted from them to serve as a shield for my soul. Because an unhealed soul can’t attract a healed one.”

“I’ve spoken briefly about my family jumping ship…after I pushed them overboard with my version of truth telling. And I’m just now starting to make sense of the rejection that resulted from instinctually speaking my mind.”

“I wish I had been strong enough in that moment to sit in the awkward silence. But instead…I allowed myself to seek out validation at the expense of another person.”

“I’ve been attempting to write a blog since 2020. I have two failed attempts behind me and I’m hoping the third is charmed by my commitment to this delusion.”