GuiltTrip
Double standards of delusion…
It’s crazy how easy it is for people to label me as guilty, just off the strength of them taking offense to everything I do. Professing how innocent I am always falls on deaf ears. Because I’m expected to race around in circles like a fuck!ng psycho…trying to get this burden of proof off my back. Taking ownership of the actions I’ve taken, that warrant the suspicions of what I’m capable of doing, makes these ‘guilty until proven innocent’ sentences easier to write. But I’m finally starting to understand that some people don’t care about the “positive evidence” I’m able to produce. Since they get off on seeing me do the one thing they can’t: humble myself.
Humility is an acquired taste. And souls who have categorized me as too confident…thirst for any shot of it they can get me to take. Because the confidence I’ve worked so hard to obtain, is their reminder that my brakes aren’t pressed behind anyone. Not because I possess something that they don’t. But because I understand that I’m in a lane that no one else has access to. Which is why having self-esteem, in a room full of insecurity, will always force those who are lacking…to go the extra mile to get me to crash out. So…I have strangers stalking me, fake ssa fRiEnDs competing with me, and ‘family’ who’d rather put work into getting me Baker Acted…than to admit that I’m a product of our generational curses.
Atp, playing victim irritates my whole soul. Which is why I bend so many corners…trying to track my wrong turn…before I’m forced to cut somebody off. But eventually, I just have to acknowledge that it’s certain souls who want me to feel victimized by their incessant attempts at trying to steal the scoop of self-worth I’ve earned…irrespective of all the projections they’ve intentionally sent my way. And at some point it becomes less about what I did to them…and more about why they have to go out of their way to do so much, to knock me off my path…in an effort to finally feel like they’re better than who THEY think I am. Because at the end of the day, no one puts all this work into someone who isn’t a threat. Which leaves me trying to figure out what it is about who I actually am…that drives these duds to the point of no return.
Love,
Choosy
