CollaredGreen
Soul food…
‘Trusting the process’ of anything that takes longer than a few minutes…irritates tf out of me. But some situations require a slow-cook consciousness…in order for all the essence of God’s intent to reveal itself. And pRoCEsSiNg the soul I’m tied to…that forces me to outgrow behavior that no longer serves me…currently has me in a chokehold. Since I spent so many years attached to the freedom that comes with running off with my emotions, whenever I get in my feelings. So being leashed to the restrictiveness of self-control never appealed to me, until I was shown how emotionally expansive…collaring my chaos can be.
Saying whatever came to my mind used to work for me, when I was actively pretending not to know how easy it is for me to emotionally cripple someone. But that approach doesn’t work on an identical soul, who possesses the ability to make me feel…exactly how I make them feel. When we first synced, I wasted a lot of time calling out how black the kettle was that he kept cooking me in. Because acknowledging that all his heat…was just a response to my response…of his response…to my response…never crossed my mind as logical. Playing victim to the circumstances my behavior created felt better…so I pulled away anytime his behavior held me accountable for mine. (And Vice Versa cause…yeah.)
It took a minute for me to understand the concept of consideration. I had a certain level of entitlement that prevented me from allowing myself to be led…by anything other than my pride. So sharing space with a soul that refuses to let me get away……………with disrespect, required a lot of time and patience. In the beginning, I didn’t want to see how much I needed him……………….to get me to my next level. I was comfortable stopping conversations that made me uncomfortable and walking away completely, before/after I returned the favor. So being led through the green lights of my discomfort, by someone I trust to reflect my truth back to me…even when it hurts…is the best way for someone like me to achieve actual growth.
Love,
Choosy
