CellTower

Staying in my lane…

The only consistent lesson I’ve received in all the years I’ve been on my spiritual journey…is that ‘patience is a virtue’. Because healing what we can’t see is a process that can’t be measured by instant gratification. So I look at it like cells regenerating…to ‘repair, replace and restore’ tissues torn apart by trauma. If I were to pull a tarot card to describe it…the Tower would fly out. Since it uproots faulty foundations…to give us the option to rebuild something solid. Choosing to do the work is the hardest step. But it’s also the quickest way to find our calling.

Buried beneath all the pain that comes from being intentional about healing our unhealed trauma, is an opportunity for us to shift what we send out and receive back. When we’re comfortably existing in the energetic exhaustion that comes from ignoring it…pain is all we have to offer. Like attracts like. So that’s the same energy we manifest to come towards us. This is a trauma loop…meant to trick us into believing that it’s impossible to escape the mazes of our mindset. Because leaving behind what no longer serves us can feel like psychological suicide…if we look at what we’re losing…as a loss.

In these past few years, I’ve lost a lot. My ability to gaslight myself into holding onto what disrupts my nervous system…was the last to go. Because familiarity feels good. The hardest thing for me to accept was that thought processes that used to bring me pEaCE, through me being blissfully ignorant to their destruction, kept me on the same wavelength that called in chaos. Trying to do life without these thoughts…felt like unseasoned depression. Until I realized that balance = boredom…when you grow up believing that narcissistic abuse = normality. Which is why I have to let this process of regeneration run its course. So I can stop weighing what’s good for me…against the high that comes from the delusion of my dysfunction.

Love,

Choosy