“I grew up in a ‘family’ full of women, dependent on putting the needs of the men they were with first…until the relationship ran its course. And the only thing that love left them with, post struggle, was at least one child…that they didn’t really want. Which gave me an underlying resentment towards men. This sabotaged a lot of relationships, because I was always fighting my way out of following the same back burner blueprint…laid out by my rOLe mOdELs. If I had it to do over…I’d learn the lesson of respectful reciprocity BEFORE entertaining other energies. Because the hurt my selfish self-defenses caused, turned perfectly good souls…into vengeance seeking trolls.”

“It’s crazy to me how people vilify crystals, but fold on all their baseless beliefs…for the one named diamond. Social conditioning is what teaches most to treasure one, while diminishing the value of the other. And this perceptual prohibition comes from word of mouth. Which is why I can’t stand when people describe anything bad…as dark. IMO, it subconsciously demonizes high concentrations of melanation…while simultaneously uplifting its counterpart. But people still, unassumingly, use this description interchangeably. Because we’ve been taught to only dig as deep as social acceptance…for the passive prejudices we perpetuate with our spoken words.”

“I go out of my way to give parental advice…even though I refuse to be a parent. I come from a curse breaking perspective so…I feel overqualified. But there are some piss poor parents, so hurt by presently facing the consequences of their past mistakes…that they go out their way to ensure those coming behind them…suffer the same fate. I saw a tRuStEe of this branch, publicly promoting dysfunctional dating practices last week. And it reminded me why so many kids are left paying interest…on emotional debt they inherited from the eLdERs. Because those old enough to know better, are freely loaning out predatory aDViCe…that exploits the souls they’re supposed to be saving.”

“It takes dedication to stay committed to doing the opposite of what’s expected of you. And it takes concentration to intentionally pretend to know nothing about…what you’re clearly going out of your way not to do. I can understand this approach, when the anticipated response compromises your progression because…this is how I move. But rebelling against emotional maturation confuses tf out of me. I feel like this fear of growing up is rooted in manipulation. Because growth requires us to actually hold ourselves accountable…instead of creating the illusion that we do. So some pretend to be oblivious to the consistency of their childishness…while begging you to never land on addressing it.”

“I almost had a rant relapse in the chat today. So…I went and bought a heavier kettlebell. I got triggered after I couldn’t get my niece for the day. This time, my twin had asked before me. And when my niece found out we both wanted to get her…she got “upset”. Because she wanted us all to go out together…like we used to. The tears I cried invoked my rage…which led me back to the chat. I articulated my anger for how fractured the familial foundation now is for the younger generations…based off the mental imbalance of the grown goofies. I sat in the silence of their response long enough to accept that we can’t change what they won’t acknowledge. Then I went to Dick’s…to find some bigger…bells.”

“Before my mental health was weaponized against me…I spoke freely about what my third eye showed me about my ‘family’. I still haven’t gotten over the “spiritual psychosis” accusation my twin made…because my receipts don’t give that. Eventually, I realized my ability to shine a light on what I was never supposed to see…could’ve only come from a supernatural Source (God). So I started funneling my vision…in a way that only allowed the spiritual side of my sight to be poured in. Because this was the only way to see the genesis of our generational curses. And my refusal to lose focus, ended up silencing their smear campaign...created to siphon my sanity.”

“I think…a lot. My thoughts used to come and go as they pleased because I didn’t know how to set boundaries. And because my sense of self was a reflection of what I believed everyone else thought of me…the lowest hanging fruit got to come first…every time. Earlier today, one of its seeds shot through my new thought process portal. Which made me ask myself “Who has influence over your privates right now?”. Catching the intrusive thought slipping past my encrypted gates threw me off. So I needed an answer, when I felt how insecure it was trying to make me feel. Because my mindset has shifted so far away from self-doubt…that my brain can’t even imagine that type of call…coming from inside my house.”

“I knew opening myself up to another twin flame connection would induce pain because…that’s its purpose. Twins expose what needs to be healed by using a branding iron…so you never forget the location. And after the imprint is made…healing begins. But soulmates don’t like seeing their counterparts in compromising positions…because our purpose is to protect the essence of our shared soul. Which made ignoring the chemistry I feel with mine mandatory. Because just like the first time we met, he’s en…tangled. Cosplaying coleslaw isn’t palatable, irrespective of how much chi…cken you have. So the only thing being birthed from this soul mating season…is the labor of love God is allowing me to produce through this project.”

“The full moon is this week. So the rah rah rituals are running amuck. It’s drawing my attention towards the fact that some people love creating chaos in your life…to distract themselves from their own dysfunction. I call this group of goofies…corn dawgs. Because they’d rather walk around fitted in costumes of corniness, instead of being vulnerable enough to exist in their authenticity. And when someone hasn’t been taught how to be at peace with who they really are…they look for every opportunity to create unreasonable doubt, in the people they surround themselves with. Which is why I love studying behavior. It teaches me that anyone can hide behind a persona. But a person’s true nature will always speak for itself…eventually.”

“I’m addicted to venting because it helps me transmute my pain into purpose. My habit eventually brought me to the world wide web of parasocialism. Which forced me to learn to master how/what I express…after I noticed that my truth…attracts lab rats who squeal every time it hurts their feewings. So I mutated into The Cheesy Chosen, as a way to keep them around…for experimental purposes. My head case studies revealed there’s a lot of ‘families’ filled with people, who intentionally influence illusions. And the truth I speak…dispel(l)s the lies they tell about members of these toxic bloodlines…who share my style of reactivity to their behavior.”

“I feel like the term ‘monitoring spirit’ is just another way to spell handler. And most handlers are meant to keep the soul they’re assigned to on a leash…once the purpose God sent the handled here for, has been realized. But others are meant to serve as purpose preventers. These are the souls who watch and wait for opportunities to sacrifice your spirit…before you realize your potential. Because who you are…exposes who they’re not. I’ve had a lot of people attempt to (mis)handle me…but I always wiggle out my collar after I accept I’m being led the wrong way. Now, I don’t follow anyone but my intuition because…she’s been trained to never lead me astray.”

“Over the last few years, my pen has put dents in a lot of the sentences I use to drive my points home. These crash out conversations almost always happen when I’m in my feelings. And whenever I step out of that emotion…the cost of repairs is never worth my recklessness. So I’ve been learning how to curb my curtness with the charm of my comic relief. But my timing is still off because I was invited to a block party…after taking this HiGh road with my sister earlier. I can’t say she’s at fault for her response though because I took the first shot. Which triggered the threat of her getting drunk off the power her child gives her.”

“Atp, I accept that I’m not normal. If I was…I wouldn’t be able to function in the dysfunction of my reality. On any given day, my mental state can have me living in between the depths of decorum and demonism. Which forces me to pay microscopic attention to the simplest things in my emotional environment…that most people can afford to ignore. I do this so I can maintain power over my perception because what I perceive…determines how I respond. And…exposing my gift, on the internet, has set me up for a lot more mind altering experiences. So now I’m going out of my way to keep track of every thought because…I don’t have the luxury of losing my mind.”

“I like looking at art more than I like looking at people. My favorite artist is Banksy because the art is allowed to speak for itself…with no desire from its creator, to be in the frame. Girl with Balloon is my favorite piece because it highlights how handheld love is meant to be experienced…instead of possessed. But the youthfulness of the little girl makes that hard to accept. Because the depicted detachment feels like a loss of innocence. It’s a reminder that every child is mandated to experience this…as a rite of passage into the rEaL wOrLd. And we grow up reliving this loss, as a way for God to cement that self-love…is the only love we get to keep.”

“Ungrateful grace receivers irritate my whole soul. Atp, retaliation feels childish. But dealing with double downers…requires the type of maturity I don’t have yet. This level of astronomical audacity usually comes from people who think they can’t be checked…because they surround themselves with people who need them. Which breeds an oversized ego…that hides behind inconspicuous insults…intended to make everyone else feel as insecure as they do. And instead of healing whatever hurt them, they walk around top heavy. Because the persona they portray…had them forget to put in the leg work…to actually become who they pretend to be.”

“Making excuses used to be my hobby. If I offended someone…I excused it by figuring out how they earned the offense. If I acted out of character…I excused it by blaming my behavior on the script my ‘diagnosis’ forced me to read from. But I started noticing that staying on that frequency…kept me in conversation with people that I had to make excuses for. My ability to push buttons is how I attracted their communication style. And the only way I could hear the guidance God was giving me, through them, was by releasing my ego’s need to play victim. I complained, a lot, about how I wAs bEiNg tReATeD…until I understood how necessary they were for my growth. Because if I never had to deal with my reflection…I never would’ve changed how I show up.”

“I’m a feather fanatic…so I pick up a lot of the ones that find me. Most of my collection came from the nature trails I walk and today I found a small one, with a pattern I’ve never seen before. But when I went to throw away the trash I found next to it…it was gone. It took some minutes to talk my tears out of live streaming my emotions…but I got over it after I found the lesson. I was born with the pre-existing condition of chaining myself to things that make me happy. So I was being taught not to covet what can’t exit with me. And a minute after the acceptance set in…I found a bigger feather with a prettier design than the one I lost. Which reinforced my belief that God gives me more to hold on to…when I let go of my fixation with caging it.”

“I’m convinced that my brain was intentionally washed…so that I’d forget about my connection to the unseen. And I’m 95.79% positive that I was misdiagnosed with bipolarism…as a way to explain away my ability to know what I’m not supposed to. I noticed a while ago that the better I become at quieting the chaos of my mANiA…the louder my intuition gets. So alchemizing my energy is all I’ve been focused on. Because I’m real nosey…and this gives me access to my sixth sense sight. Recently, step and repeat rage bait has been sent in to get the over reactions that I used to give…before I became an alchey. But now that I know all the angles they want to hit, I’m using these triggers as predictive programming practice…to target my future trauma responses.”

“I watched a YT short of twins that made me cry today. They were looking in the mirror and laughing about how weird it is to share a face. And my memory remembered when me and my wombmate had the same reaction, after doing the same thing. My tears dried up after recalling our chat conversation from yesterday though. Because she acknowledged, by not acknowledging, that I’m right about a familial trauma response that’s still being used…after I gave receipts. But before we got there…her first reaction was to box my thought process into a mANiC episode. Which proved that their default diagnosis dependency…is still being used…when they don’t want to admit…that what I say I see when I look at them…is their actual reflection.”

“I’m obsessed with getting guidance…from God. But my love for overthinking…forced me to learn how to let it find me. I usually get His direction through signs, that my discernment decodes. And lately, I’ve been questioning whether I’m going the right way with this project. Because the thoughts I share are…different. Earlier today, I got my answer after I crossed paths with someone in an outfit so unbelievably out of place for the environment I was in…that it felt staged. This let me know that showing up as myself, in a space where most people try to blend in, is the only direction I can go…that won’t make Him blow the whistle. So continuing to be me…is keeping me in alignment with my assignment.”