“My heart goes out to individuals who box themselves into a socially acceptable image that’s literally unnatural to sustain. Because fitting into that box will always require the deletion of images that show others who God sees when He looks at you.”

“I know it would probably make more sense to focus on my own healing journey…but holding accountable those responsible for my need to be on this healing journey, is just as beneficial as any other form of shadow work.”

“My fear now is how many people will miss the message of my words because I say things that are meant to align with their souls and not with their ears. We’re a species that was taught to weigh our beliefs against what is socially acceptable and that is the template our ears hear from. But our spirits know that we’re just souls…inhabiting a vessel. And what our soul hears won’t always make sense to a belief system we inherited…from ‘elder’ vessels that were also indoctrinated with socially acceptable ideals.”

“…I had no intention of hitting that far below the belt but after a while, I no longer felt the need to protect her ego. I always feel an internal eruption right before I spit this insult out and my intuition usually tells me not to do it. But the satisfaction I know I’ll get, from being toxic, overrides my empathy and I say exactly what I know I shouldn’t. ”

“I can’t go back and change my decision to abort and if I’m being honest…I wouldn’t. So while I sit back…triggered by parents who use their children as statement pieces…I have to be humble enough to admit that I wouldn’t have these issues if I would’ve had my own.”

“I was the only one in the family who wasn’t extended an invitation to the funeral. I have to be honest and say that prior to his funeral…I did tell the chat I was going to show up wearing a t-shirt that stated “He died an adulterer”…but this was after I wasn’t invited. Was I out of line for saying what I said? I plead the seventh…(‘bipolar’).”

“So when I say I’ve been engaged in an abusive relationship with my ‘family’ for the last 4 years…there’s no trace of exaggeration in my words. Their intention is to (re)silence the voice I spent years fighting to get back because they know that when I use it…it renders them speechless. Telling the truth really does shame the devil(s).”

“One of the worst arguments my older brother and I ever got into was about his inability to give my 2nd oldest niece a hug after she experienced some bullying at school by a girl that she was convinced was her friend. My brother and I spent weeks arguing about it in the chat and to this day he has never as much as hinted at understanding why I felt a hug from him to his child was appropriate.”

“It would make sense for me to be happy that what I’ve been asking for all these years finally appears to be taking shape…but I’m nonsensical. If their behavior came before they assumed I was turning my pain into profit it would’ve been a lot easier for me to trust their intentions but these hoes aren’t slick.”

“I don’t know if my fixation of bonding with kids, through positive reinforcement, has anything to do with the guilt I feel from my three seed homicide…but I do know that pouring positivity into a child shouldn’t invoke the kind of envy I have seen from their ‘adults’.”

“It’s my birthday bish! Aside from having 1 family member left, no friends, and no ‘my man her man our man’…I’m still settled into my stability. I know the plan of my bitter bloodline was to have me too distraught to bring this new year in with gratitude but…I gratefully entered year ThirtyAte.”

“At this point it’s clear they’re, once again, trying to condition my mind to think that something bad will happen anytime I speak up on behalf of a child that has no voice. But my ‘family’ has a long history of parents putting their kids in traumatizing situations that often never get addressed until that child is an adult. This forces the hand of my vocal cords to string together truths that speak to what I see…irrespective of how they feel about it.”

“Unfortunately for him, and a lot of other men, their seeds require the kind of connection that can’t be bought. We appreciate finances but solid relationships also require a foundation of feelings. If that isn’t given…it makes it that much easier for offspring to disconnect from parental presence when we have the option to choose for ourselves as we get older.”

“My nerves have no edges and their hairline is now as far back as Weezy’s husband. Why I can’t antagonize my family in peace is beyond me…because all I’m actually doing is taking their attempts to antagonize me and turning it back on them.”

I did my best to live in the projects of their projections. Because I desperately wanted to keep these people, who convinced me of their importance, in my life. I believed them when their actions suggested that they knew more about what was best for me than I did. And I believed them when their words suggested that I should learn my place in their lives, by staying fitted in that position…until they gave me more wiggle room. The more I grew emotionally, the smaller that space I was given in their lives appeared to be. And eventually…I had to change positions. This change forced me to tell the truth…unapologetically. I was guided to start with my own truth first. I did this privately. The discomfort of those truths was so overwhelming, that it forced me to publicly drag everyone else’s truth in.

And just like the toxic parenting example set by our BM…this emotional abuse is their only way of depleting my power, to feed the false sense of their own. Why they need to feel a heightened level of power against the family ‘bipolar’, is a question I’m still unable to answer though. But the movie Inception keeps coming to mind. None of their behavior makes sense because either way they spin this…they’re enacting the same abuse I’ve been calling out all these years. Abuse that they all have adamantly declared doesn’t exist…while continuously being caught in the act of its distribution. The fact that they can’t stop proving my point…is wild asf.

I spent a long time complaining about how hard it is to carry what I’m now required to hold, before realizing that God is just trying to remind me of what I’m capable of. And with this realization, God has now started reintroducing ‘opportunities’ for me to use my own hands to clean up my own mess. Because if nature shows us anything…it’s that God’s intention is for His Creations to have full dominion over our existence. When we take our gift of autonomy for granted…He creates situations where we have no other choice but to hold our own. When we see this as the ‘blessing’ it is…we realign with our intended nature.

I won’t lie and say this preventative care isn’t difficult. Because when there are no ‘a mucks’ being run…it makes me forget these people are literally my opposition. It’s like I completely forget all the toxicity force fed to me the day before…if the next day is filled with balanced interactions. Honestly speaking, if I don’t go back and reread some of the chat conversations…I’d be able to allow people that I still love to hold the same position they once had in my life. Which is the only downside of real love. It allows you to experience the lowest of the lows of a person, without demanding that you cut ties. Even if those lows are the continuous source of your pain.

“Insecure people go to extreme lengths to stop a conversation they aren’t ready to have and that usually involves fixating on flaws of the person who had the audacity not to talk to them nice. Flaws that were ignored when their ego wasn’t being bruised but magically become an issue when it is.”

If you were to do a survey on all my past ‘love’ connections, asking my exes whether they thought something was mentally off with me…I’m positive they’d all say they think I’m bat sh*t crazy. If you were to ask them if I emotionally abused them, the answer would be yes. If you were to ask if I emasculated them, they would probably suggest this word is an understatement. And if you were to tell them I was diagnosed as ‘bipolar’….my behavior in those relationships would probably make a lot more sense to them. But, I never told anyone from my past that I had this ‘diagnosis’ because I never bought into the concept of my illness.