UncTi

It’s been brought to my attention that I published a blog that I thought I made a draft back in March. Oops. If you read this post…I hope the nudity was appreciated.

These thoughts were triggered by understanding my assignment…

I was born to be an aunt. Some women were born possessing the patience of a million saints and live to see themselves…in their carbon copied creations. Others know they have no parental instincts…but still roll the dice on parenthood for one reason or another. I check none of those boxes. The idea of being a mother has never appealed to me…ever. It always seemed like the mothers I grew up around didn’t like their position very much…even though they were very good at putting on a smile…in front of other adults who were childless. I’ve heard more positives about parenthood, from parents, than negatives. But I was the co parent to my single mother growing up. So I recognized the setup early. Did I fail to avoid getting pregnant even though I possessed this inside knowledge? More than a little bit. But…I like to use my ‘disorder’ to my advantage whenever I can. And as a ‘diagnosed’ bipolar person…I reserve the right to blame my poor decision making on my untreated aversion to sanity. I knew better than to go bunless…but I’m also a bit ‘touched’.

I can’t assume that all experiences in parenting are the same though. Because there are people in this world who were actually born into emotionally balanced households. Unfortunately, the rest of us received the scraps left over from those who had an abundance of ‘trauma-tizers’…but no ‘soul food’. This mentally imbalanced diet either created children with more of the same irrational reproduction desires. Or it birthed in them a deep disdain for eating. Before the insertion of my first seed…I was convinced that starving was simply the better option. But I indulged my appetite anyway…thinking plan b’s and pull outs would prevent the subsequent bloating. The joke was clearly on me.

For the longest, my biggest fear of parenthood stemmed from asking what kind of grandparents my parents would be. And then when the siblings, from my mothers womb, started reproducing…it became uncomfortably obvious that ‘grandparenting’ is actually her strong suit. She’s amazing with my nieces and nephews. I think that’s because the pressure to perform isn’t present. When I witness her in action with them it honestly feels like she cloned herself and left her less desirable version in my childhood. Which tells me she was also born to be an auntie.

The stress from her single motherhood turned her into the worst version of herself. IMO, if she was meant for motherhood…the nurturer instincts she displays with her ‘grands’, would’ve appeared with her actual children. Honestly speaking, I wouldn’t have been any different. I need space to process stress and I don’t like working solely for the benefit of other people. Having to give my free time and spare money to the same individuals I have to work that much harder to provide for…sounds like torture. I’m selfish at my core but over giving to those I’m not responsible for is my love language. Yes that’s possible…I’m a gemini and I’m ‘bipolar’…remember?

If more people were honest about who they really are…they’d be able to accept that they were born to be aunties and uncles too. But so many have been tricked into believing they could play a role that doesn’t fit their personality type. As an aunt…I am…was everything to my nieces and nephews that I wish I had in my childhood. I’m lucky enough to have been born to the kind of parents that made shadow work a requirement in my adult years. Because I had to heal trauma from the childhood they gave me. Which made it easier for me to pick up on blind spots of the people in my family, possessing that same parenting style.

Imagine if this was the new normal and we had more emotionally balanced aunties and uncles, whose sole purpose was to provide blind spot coverage…for the kids growing up under the same parental conditions…that caused us emotional imbalance. That’s the kind of village these children deserve because none of them asked to be a part of our tribes. Unfortunately, some villages want to continue force feeding ‘trauma-tizers’ because it’s the only recipe they were taught how to make.

Love,

Choosy