Stop walking over it…
The holidays are here. So my awareness of my ‘families’ year round avoidance of me, is getting harder to ignore. I can’t remember the last time I got an invite to an annual fake it til’ you make it function. Because I can’t sit at our table and pretend I don’t see the elephant. Everyone else is able to sweep our secrets under rugs…for the sake of getting through an event no one actually wants to be at. But…I still haven’t learned how to see something…and say nothing. Which makes everybody so uncomfortable, that they make believe I don’t exist. Just so they can act like the issues I try to address don’t either.
When I wasn’t so focused on fixing our foundation…I was a good time. Because I genuinely love the ‘family’ I was born into. So being around them used to bring out the side of me that’s easy to get along with. But I started noticing how no one ever really talked about the toxic patterns that keep being repeated…by all the people who keep choosing to parent. And as soon as I started pointing out the effects this is having on the kids…all the adults started acting like grown ssa children. Who needed me to stop talking about what’s keeping us tethered to our trauma…so they can avoid changing behavior they’re comfortable with.
I’ve had enough time to get used to my new normal. I still cringe at the thought of going into stores around this time though. Because it reminds me of how many people are going to be willfully seated at tables filled with unhealed trauma. When all it takes is that one blood…to air all that sh!t out. Atp, I’ve lost my element of surprise. So everyone already knows how I’m coming. But if I was someone who hadn’t been cut off…yet…I’d start the conversation without making the mistake of spraying everybody with business they trusted you with…just to prove a point about who they’re hiding behind their mask. If you’re the chosen voice of treason, like me, try leading with the least controversial topic…and ease your way into pulling the rug from under them…with tone deaf truth.
Love,
Choosy
