gOiNg…every time…
It used to be hard for me to accept what I couldn’t change. Because nothing about me gives common sense. So if something looked like it wasn’t for me…I’d just find a different angle to look at it from…until I convinced myself it was. Since giving up on whatever I felt was mine…felt like I was letting go of what I truly believed belonged to me…and only me. This mindset allowed me to keep a lot of things in my life…until God stepped in to play a game of show and tell.
You’d think that I’d be smart enough to let Him have the last word. But the product of my ‘hard head’…keeps getting softer. So after decades of doing whatever tf I wanted…I finally ‘got the message’. Because all my resistance ever gave me…was a rinse and repeat cycle of the same trauma, that takes me to the type of sunken places…that most souls don’t climb out of. And every time I made it out…I was right back to recklessly reacting to my perception of losing what I felt was meant for me. Then…I was put in a situation that left me with the choice of losing my mind…or releasing my resistance to ending sentences that I kept allowing to run on…centuries after the plot was lost.
I chose me. Because I’m the only one capable of swimming through the blood baths of my psyche…once I finish fighting my way through faulty belief systems, that keep me stuck. And that choice is aligning me with the type of flow state that gives…heavy…is the head. Which is teaching me how to maintain my balance under pressure…and helping me place my periods where they belong. Choosing myself over the situations I wanted to feel were chosen for me, used to leave me with battle scars that never really healed right. But winning the war of my mind…is worth the blemishes they left behind. Since they’re my reminder of the risk I’m taking…when I don’t follow guidance…the first time it’s given.
Love,
Choosy
