WhichDoctor

Bruh…

Taking time to pour praise into my psyche has been a non negotiable. Because everyone I’m connected to energetically…just dedicated their time to taking turns…attempting to drain tf out of me. I went out of my way not to Goof Troop in the chat. But the full moon still brings out my frequency feens. So when my twin randomly text, the day of, I role played. (SSs below) I took the opportunity to transmute lingering trauma…and moved around. The next day, after failing to reach my recklessness…I was given some post dated ‘familial’ news…that they knew would f*ck with me. It didn’t…I addressed it…and mocked the mOmS. Instead of taking the L…another attempt at agitation was made today. Now, I’m trying to figure out which doctor I can see…to cast out the sacrifice symptoms they intentionally induce…every moon cycle.

I always know my growth is growing…whenever my big brother enters the chat. Since he only ever appears…when my twin can’t get the job done. They know he’s one of the few people that can get me out of character, with virtually no effort. Because out of everyone in my ‘family’…I respect(ed) him the most. So, I blocked him about a year ago…out of that rEsPEcT. This is the longest I’ve ever had him blocked and…I think he felt like I’d be out of my feelings by now. But this boundary benefits my aversion to being Baker Acted…so..yea. The things I allowed my thumbs to type towards him in the past, are uncomfortably unforgivable. And I know that’s what’s been used to fuel his refusal to let me talk to his kids…for the last 4 years. His behavior is silently encouraged and enabled by our BM. And no one else in the ‘family’ would ever challenge him so, instead of giving in to the temptation of tearing apart his ego again, I shut him out.

I keep forgetting he’s blocked…so when I saw the first text from my twin, I assumed it was just another one of her attempts for my attention. After I realized she was dialoguing with Deebo, I understood they were tag teaming…to get me to live up to my diagnosis. Triggers this small haven’t gotten a reaction out of me in a while. But this tiny trigger came…after a consistent month of bigger triggers. So I’m assuming the “category” my twin grouped me in, was supposed to be the catalyst that sent me. Fortunately, I’ve been focused on feeling my way around their feening. Because going on 3 day relentless rant sessions, like I used to, feeds into their narcissistic narrative…that I’m the one that needs to be treated by an accredited practitioner. Even though their incessant attempts to have me wrestle mania, every moon cycle, suggest they’re making regular visits to one…on my behalf.

Love,

Choosy