TopHeavy

Big head…of household energy…(Screenshots below)

I’m officially a decade away from being eligible to become an Avoid Accountability Remain Problematic member. Judging from the li(e)festyles of the eLdERs…it’ll provide me with more peace. As long as I pledge to pretend not to see the dysfunction still being distributed in our ‘family’ dynamic. This year, my BM was nice enough to gift me a complimentary crash course of this oversight…for my birthday…via text. How she’s perfected the art of saying everything but “sorry”, will never not be infuriatingly insane to me. And…she’s only getting better with age. I think her text was an olive branch, meant to make me switch sides. But it just left me with a compulsion to finish tearing down our ‘family’ tree. Because the weight from all the egos at the top of it, is ripping our foundation up from the roots.

I knew I was going to be irritated, before I even read her words. But I told myself not to judge her off the track record she has with running away from reality. Which left me with a desire to disown any/all grace I’m compelled to give her in the future...after I read it. Because with each sentence…I could feel myself shrinking under the expectation of her flattery…factory resetting me back into silent submission. It’s a feature that comes with passive aggressive parenting. And aggression is the only way to override it. Fortunately, for parents who’ve placed themselves on pedestals…having the audacity to tell them the truth…is all that’s needed to be labeled as emotionally violent. I still used to go out my way to earn that title in situations like these though but…I’ve gRoWn. So this time, I addressed her annual avoidance as respectfully as I could.

I honestly believe she’s still waiting for me to hurry up and forget my voice again. Because my refusal to stop using it is preventing her from make-believing that the last 6 years never happened. Which is how this brand of narcissistic abuse works. In order for us to go back to having the mother/daughter relationship she wants, I’m expected to forgive and forget every boundary of mine…that requires her to emotionally evolve. If I don’t…I’m met with the same illogical silence that she replied to my logical response with. And instead of having the kind of conversation that could lead to us actually going beneath the surface, to form a bond worthy of the type of text she sent me…she still prefers to stay on top…by pretending topics that tap into the trauma actively being passed down…are beneath her.

Love,

Choosy

*I’m assuming her text is in bold because…audacity.