The lack of empathy I’ve been feeling lately…has me concerned for the emotional wellbeing of those around me. Because I’ve lost all interest in making excuses for adult children. I was better at finding giveable f*cks, when I convinced myself that being spiritually enlightened…meant laying around in darkness…with people who aren’t bright. It’s always been easy to feel my way through spaces like this…but impossible to see who I’m really dealing with. Especially if there’s shared trauma. The kind of bond that’s formed in situations like these can cause a repulsion to reality. And if one person wakes up before the other is ready to…that darkness will eventually be filled with gaslighting. Which can lead to lunacy…if you don’t uncover your ability to bring discomfort…to those intentionally making you uncomfortable.

Meet the Parents will never not be Hall of Fame funny to me. Because it finds humor in how fast people forget where they come from…just to fit in with people who don’t even like them. The irony in Gaylord‍ ‍hiding who he was, to get this acceptance, came from the fact that the people whose trust he wanted…weren’t trustworthy. I’m experiencing something similar. But I’m not trying to fit in..with the people pretending they haven’t already been exposed…for the same thing they’re desperately trying to expose me for. This selective amnesia usually happens, when someone wants to humble a soul…that disturbs demons they’ve dissociated from. And instead of accepting that their defensiveness towards a specific person comes from ignored insecurities, masked by egregious egos, they part their lips to pour stale wine…that they can also sip from. Tragic.

Being emotionally balanced is boring…asf. A normal person probably feels serenity but…I feel solitarily confined. Because I’m a Gemini, with two personalities. One encourages me to say whatever will cut down to a person’s bone marrow. Just to blame it on my diagnosis…if I dig too deep. The other prefers pleasantness. I’d rather lay up with the first side. And fall asleep, pretending my actions are justified. Irrespective of how much trauma I inflict, on someone who needed to be read. But when I choose my toxicity, I summon the sadistic side of my soul…that tempts me into ignoring reality…to keep it company. Which can lead to the kind of paralyzing psychosis…that foreshadows my fall from Grace. So, I sightsee long enough to prove a point…and return right back to being regular.

I don’t know if anyone has noticed but…I hate hoes. Because I’ve never attracted a man…who isn’t attracted to them. For a while, I convinced myself that their fixation with the frequently used…was no different than my addiction to sugar. Since I know it’s bad for me…but I never consider that…until the consequences come. So I accepted the toxicity…because I could relate. But over the years, I started noticing that whenever my relationships graduated to commitment…there was always a soul, tied to my partner, who’d turn psychopathic…when her time was up. Which always birthed a weird obsession…with me. And today I learned, from an unexpected source, that this may be due to me triggering an abandonment issue…created from their dad not choosing their mom. This checks out with a geriatric groupie I have standing at attention. Who has a habit of inserting herself in the homes of others…that she refuses to leave.

It’s a few energies…in my energy…with their souls in shambles…because they don’t know what I’m going to say next. And with a diAGnOsiS like mine…I understand their fear. But, my focus right now…is on the claims that Kelly Price just made about witchcraft being done on her. I wasn’t sure why my intuition told me to post my ‘families’ failed ritual receipts the day before her live…until I heard her words. After I listened…I went to the Gang Goofy chat to gloat. Even though I know nothing will come of it, since no one takes words like hers seriously…until someone dies. Because gang stalking experiences are meant to make the experiencer look crazy…by publicly proclaiming a paranormal problem…that those reliant on white washed religions can’t relate to. Which is why I accept that all I can do is document what I go through with my own delusional demons…until God decides it’s time to validate my truth.

Ion dislike anyone enough to play in magic behind them. Because I’ve seen what it looks like…when spell work backfires. A while back I spoke about the night I feel like my twin attempted to sacrifice me. It didn’t work and the next day someone was shot to death in front of our apartments. Years later that memory took over my thoughts, so I went to the Gang Goofy chat about it. My intuition told me they were attempting to repeat their failure, and I let them know that it might result in someone else from the ‘family’ dying. Two weeks later, my dad died. Since then, it feels like there’s been an increase put into ending my quality of life…since they can’t end my actual life. So I started losing jobs out the blue…again. Relationships that brought me happiness started deteriorating…again. And my mental state felt like it was caving in on itself…again. All because I wouldn’t fall in the plot…that was dug out for me.

Being hunted by mobs of bops is a given…when you actually represent…who they pretend to be. My imposter syndrome used to convince me that my belief of feeling targeted…by people who act like I don’t exist…was a figment of my main character fixation. But…these hoes really are on me. And the stress from their constant surveillance causes the kind of pain in my a$$…that could leave me suffering from the same type of cancer my dad was predisposed to. So I’m still on my 5 a week workouts…and my daily meditations. Because there will never be a shortage of groupies…hanging on to the desperation of destroying the peace of mind that I built…on my own. Which is why I accept that their misery loves company. While also understanding that the closest they can get to being in mine…is by setting thirst traps for the kind of attention…that I effortlessly get from them.

Sooo yesterday was…a lot. But I’ve been holding those emotions in for a minute. And after getting more confirmation that I haven’t been imagining what I’ve been experiencing…I rage released. I still have a hard time figuring out what feelings to keep to myself, because the voices in my head have convinced me that they all deserve to be heard. Which allows me to share sentiments that most can relate to…but wouldn’t say out loud. I normally get anxiety when I shamelessly react to things that the stigma around my diAgNOsiS, has taught me should be intentionally ignored. Because crash dummies have gone out their way to project their point of views onto me for so long…by trying to convince me that riding on the road of my reality, is equivalent to crashing out. This time, giving what was requested from me felt more like I was transferring toxicity…back to the person it belongs to.

I used to live inside the fantasy of friendship…until I realized the time will always come…when individuals are put in ‘it’s me or you’ type situations. No one with sense would go against themselves so…I prefer to roam alone. But I’ve noticed my intentional individuality…always attracts packs of wild h(oe)yenas…who pounce pavements with high body counts…to feel secure. Their inability to stand out when standing alone…are symptoms of a ‘sit with me’ syndrome. Which is why they’re so easily triggered…by those confident enough to (D)olo cup it. And it’s always a head hoe in charge..who gathers a gang of groupies…to target that self-esteem she feels threatened by. Because her strength is in numbers. From the outside looking in…it gives one of them ones. Until she meets that one…who exposes how weak her walls are.

I had another (re)parenting session with my BM a couple weeks ago. The conversation was centered around the intentionality she put behind making sure none of her kids…achieved what she couldn’t. Unless those achievements…were something she could brag to familiar strangers about. So she was the first to take credit for our diplomas, degrees and designations. Because these things don’t invoke her competitive nature….that only comes out…whenever any of us gets into a relationship. Which has me feeling like she intentionally raised children who’d be ill prepared for intimacy…while silently encouraging us to stay in any of the emotionally abusive connections we subsequently attracted. IMO, it’s because our professional success pedestals her pArEnTinG. But our intimate success leaves her misery…without the company of codependence.

It’s been days…and instead of my twin answering my question about why she intentionally triggers me, just to tell me to get help when she gets a reaction…she stopped responding. Over the weekend, I felt guided to look at our private thread and found a text she sent me in March…where she recommended an IG psychic to me, that “talks to spirits”. Which goes against everything she stands for in the chat. I didn’t think anything of it though…until she openly accused me of suffering from “auditory verbal hallucinations” last week. Because this proved the point I’ve been trying to make to the Gang Goofies for forever: My opportunistic immediates set me up privately…just so they can cry wolf, behind my behavior, publicly. To this day.