Respect
Caution: SA and gun violence are briefly mentioned in this blog.
These thoughts were triggered by my inability to stroke egos…
I’ve worn many hats throughout my job history. Jobs solely birthed from my need to maintain my quality of life. I’ve performed in many capacities ranging from a Fortune 500 office worker to a pizza delivery driver. And my propensity for making those around me uncomfortable with my words…is present in every environment. I have to stress that it’s never my intention to inconveniently react to the truth that I see. I‘ve spent a long ‘perioladically’ time trying to rid myself of this urge to spray those around me with my unpolished perspective. But I’m still knee deep in this ‘agitationist’ addiction.
Earlier today, I thought back to a time when my ability was given a backhanded compliment by a non pigmented southerner. At the time of this ‘compliment’, I was working in the office of the Fortune 500’er. It was me and the older ‘southern belle’ who shared a double office. And my experience with her was…different. For context it needs to be mentioned that I was the only piece of chocolate in the office candy jar. Which makes the dialogues we had with one another…a little cringy.
One of the first stories I can remember her relaying to me, after I assume she found comfort in my ability to code switch, was about an acquaintance of hers who hand delivered fried chicken to a new neighbor…that happened to share my hue. (Yes, this really happened.) I was visibly confused on where the punchline was. After her mask slipped and she showed me who she was, I began to treat her accordingly…by cutting back on our talk times. A few weeks later, we received a visit from one of the higher ups I had never met. He took the office out on a fancy company lunch. And I witnessed a certain level of smugness from him that turned me off.
Everyone had crowded around this man after lunch, ‘fangirling’. And I opted out with a few other people. When we got back to the office, Mrs. Fried Chicken gave me my ‘compliment’. She told me how much she admired…how I treat everyone the same. And I was genuinely intrigued by what she meant. She made reference to my standoffish behavior at lunch and spoke about how everyone has always been so quick to try and make a good impression on that higher up…whenever he came down. I accepted the ‘compliment’ for what it was/who it was from and moved on.
A little while after the luncheon, her chicken comment was still bothering me. At the time, an unidentified mass shooter was floating around the news and we were speculating about his race. Mrs. Fried didn’t outright say anything that could be offensive but..I still needed to get my lick back from before. So not only did I suggest the shooter’s race may be closer to hers, I threw in how behavior like this is prevalent in her community. Then I tagged in the topic of child violators. I made mention that the majority of the victimizers come from her community as well and the look on her face was worth my words. She never spoke about how my comment made her feel…just like I hadn’t. But a couple months later, when the company was acquired…I was ‘laid off’.
The reason given was logical…downsizing. But I always felt like their decision was due to my inability to be someone I wasn’t. Not only did I fail to ‘brown nose’ the man who ended up being the new branch manager…I had also offended his race to the office chatty patty. When my severance package ran out, I sat in my room wishing I had learned how to assimilate to the ways of this world. The pizza delivery position I had to rush to get so my car wouldn’t be repossessed, served as God’s humble hummus after my inability to doppelgang my previous Corporate position. It took years of me bouncing through temporary jobs until I found my current position. That outcome may have been different if I had learned how to respect a person’s status…even when their soul doesn’t feel right. Oh well my guy.
Love,
Choosy
