Potential
These thoughts were triggered by my decision to purposefully give myself positive reinforcement…
The ‘cloak’ lesson is fresh on my brain and it’s led me to crave my own version of self-actualization. I feel like I’m a lot closer than I’ve been, while also realizing I’m not as close as I’d like to be. Reaching my full potential is definitely on my 2024 To-Do-List. In order to achieve that goal, I have to continue with my daily shadow work. Being in a state of constant self-reflection can lead to sporadic emotional burnouts…but the alternative is remaining stagnant. I have no desire to enter my 38th year of life, with the same trigger responses that plagued previous years. My triggers breed chaos, but peace is now a requirement. Persistence allows me the privilege of proclaiming that I’ve gotten a better grip on responding to my chaos inducing triggers with self-control. 4 years ago I didn’t even believe that was possible. Which lets me know that if this type of emotional progression has been achieved, continuing to cultivate my trauma responses will aid in checking this goal off my list for good.
In order for me to feel satisfied with my level of self-reflection…I’m constantly checking in with my emotional state. I like to feel in tune with my internal environment. Feeling unwanted emotions is always my indicator that a self-evaluation is needed. Earlier, I felt a sense of insecurity while doing my Yoga…so I took time out to address the feeling. I spoke about ‘FiFi’, my ever changing fupa, in a previous post. I’ve started the ‘decoupling’ process and the beginning stage of this change is encouraging my growth. Before now, I’ve been able to get away with holding her in when I walk past the mirrors in my house. This has allowed me to avoid seeing my true reality for some time. I have moments when she’s fully extended, but that only happens when I’m facing forward. But the words of the ‘truth tyrant’ broke my propensity to engage that illusion.
So while doing my Yoga, I allowed ‘Fifi’ the privilege of existing ‘as is’. After catching a side view, I judged myself for not yet being the version I wanted to see. The feeling of ineptitude, passed to me from my upbringing, tried to trigger my emotions into ‘self-loathing’ mode. But my self-control changed the conversation. I have no control over how long it will take me to burn off this disrespectful pudge. I do, however, have full control over how I view my current self. And pudge aside, I’m that one. Acknowledging this fact allows me to feel love for all of me….instead of just the parts that encourage instant gratification. So I looked at myself in the mirror and reinforced that I’m worthy of self-love…in every state. That pushed me closer to my ultimate goal. These ‘level-up’ opportunities are always present…if I’m looking for them. I already spent enough years plateauing at a level that took me on weekly emotional roller coaster rides. At this point, I’m determined to coast through my late 30’s with the sense God gave me…to love my reality and potential…equally.
Love,
Choosy
