Performative

“Which had me feeling like all the tears I let fall this morning were performative because…I created my own fate. I’m his big sister and instead of going out of my way to build him up…I tore his self-esteem down every chance I got. His refusal to back me makes sense because even though I’ve given out my apologies…nothing will ever give him back the part of his childhood that I ruined with my need to make him pay for being born. I participated in his trauma and I can now accept him not wanting to take part in helping me heal mine.”