MisStep

These thoughts were triggered by my inability to understand some behaviors that are socially acceptable…

The longer I live, the more I realize that more people share my upbringing, than those who don’t. I hear people casually complain about their childhoods in passing. But it’s rare that you’ll ever hear these same people addressing the source of their complaint. Especially if the mother has melanated skin. I get the fear behind telling a melanated woman about herself. It rarely ends well. And the chances for a positive outcome are even smaller if you came out of her womb. So speaking against any of her wrongdoing is usually a lose-lose. Because if you’re right…that means she’s wrong. If you’re wrong, in their eyes, that means they get to live comfortably in their delusions. The latter seems to be their sweet spot. I’ve heard many ‘adult children’ nonchalantly state their botherdness behind the fact that they can’t communicate with the woman who brought them into this world. Mainly from YouTubers I watch…who try to laugh off the hurt. ‘Couldn’t be me’ chile.

It’s like we’re born with a stamp of never ending inferiority and at this point…I want more for the Committee of Silently Begrudged Mistakes. Full Disclosure: These are not thoughts I planned on having today. But after witnessing the beginning stages of purposely imposed self doubt, at the hands of a ‘maternal miscommunicator’…I was left with no choice. Unfortunately some double m’s have become so comfortable in their belief that their emotionally toxic behavior is culturally acceptable…that they freely display this behavior to perfect strangers. Ew.

All I wanted to do was go toy shopping with my niece. She has a party to attend, so we stopped to get a gift for her friend…and a gift for the gift giver. While turning into one of the toy aisle, a toddler and her family were walking out. The little girl walked in our path, by mistake, so her mother course corrected her…in a condescending way. This lady then proceeded to look at me with an awkward smile of disbelief…for the fact that her child would do such a thing. The weirdest part is I think she expected me to send a signal that I shared in her confusion for how a child could behave so carelessly. But all I could muster up was my resting b**** face.

I wish this was the first time a woman has seen me with my niece, assumed I was a mother…and exhibited the same behavior. Truthfully speaking, it’s happened with women of all colors. It’s like my niece gives me the ability to tap into the world of openly toxic mothers and it feels so familiar that it makes me uncomfortable. I grew up with my own BM rushing to tell any business of my siblings and I…that showed us in a negative light. And she’d cackle on the phone with other emotionally insensitive mothers because apparently punching down on your kids is a part of their job description. I can not say that this is all mothers…but most children…turned adults, who’ve gravitated to this blog… can name at least one shared experience. So there’s that.

Either way, I’m hoping my RBF made that mother reconsider her decision to toxically bond with another stranger over the misstep of her own child. The saddest part is that this was a mother doing this to her daughter. And ongoing behavior like this may have her daughter grow up feeling unsure of herself. Because her mother is already out here making people uncomfortable, with her display of discomfort…for her child being a child. But the daughter may never get to hold her ‘womber’ accountable…because ‘mother knows best’.

Am I reading too much into this? Probably to mid level definitely. But…whats new?

Love,

Choosy