LoveLetters
Fixated on the feminine side of my feelings…
I Owe yoU’s aren’t usually the kind of vows you make to someone you care about unconditionally. Real bonds are stamped with seals that won’t break. So failing to return a favor doesn’t strengthen/weaken it because…tabs aren’t kept. But reciprocity is my love language. And there’s an energy that has had me locked in with them for a while…souly based off their contribution to my spiritual growth. Before this connection…I never had tangible evidence that I know what I know…before I’m supposed to know it. My ‘family’ could’ve been my source of confirmation, but they chose to gaslight tf out of me. Which is why this need to put action behind those three words…is so strong.
Pride prevented me from accepting the divinity of this connection. Because in order to do that…I had to voluntarily submit to my ego being bruised. Before attracting his essence into my energy…I refused to believe that anyone was worth the effort that came with that knee bend. So I went out of my way to make dealing with me as unbearable as possible. Half of me did it because…I didn’t want to be forced to accept that I can be the same kind of problem, that I complain about my ‘family’ being. And the other half did it to avoid the restrictiveness that comes with actual growth. The Gemini in me requires the ability to go wherever the wind blows me when things get hard. But he’s an Earth sign so…grounding me is his nature.
Lunatic’ing is usually how I locksmith my way out of being bolted down and…I can’t think of a time this method hasn’t gone in my favor. But my tools of toxicity didn’t work on this one and…I’m grateful. Because if they did, God’s purpose for him being in my life wouldn’t have been revealed to me. Which means I would’ve never opened up the potential…that comes with my gift. Now, I’m stuck trying to figure out how to pay someone back…for unveiling something in me that I could never put a price on. The simplicity of saying ‘thank you’ doesn’t feel like enough. So I’m brainstorming through this blog…with the hope that the answer will find its way to me. And I doubt I’ll be able to retire from this desired display of gratitude…until it does.
Love,
Choosy
